There are some people who won’t even understand the title of this post. They don’t know what it’s like to wonder where to start when cleaning a messy house.
They’ll think – “what does that even mean?!” (These people always have clean houses, and they can organize their junk drawer with their eyes closed. Or at least they could if they had a junk drawer. But they don’t.) They’ve never experienced a truly messy house.
And there’s some people who will roll their eyes at the drama of it, and they’ll think “Just clean it up. Take the action, do the things.” These people are also likely to leave nasty comments about how this post is sort of stupid. (I won’t publish them.)
But then there’s other people – maybe you’re one of these people – who know what it’s like to stand in the middle of a messy room and feel absolutely paralyzed by the mess. (Me!! I AM ONE OF THESE PEOPLE!) These people will get what this post is about.
We are the people who wonder desperately “where to start cleaning my house?!”
You might even have a secret fear that your house looks like hoarders (- you know, that TV show where food is molding under the couch and the neighbors are complaining?)
And I want to share some good solid advice with these people (you), on how to move forward with cleaning when you feel paralyzed by a mess.
(THIS POST PROBABLY CONTAINS AFFILIATE LINKS. OUR FULL DISCLOSURE POLICY IS REALLY BORING, BUT YOU CAN FIND IT HERE.)
Related: A Simple Solution to Clutter & Disorganization
When you want to clean up “the mess” in your house but don’t know where to start:
You know what I’m talking about when I say “the mess”.
It’s not like you had a clean house 6 hours ago, but a kid’s birthday party has turned your home into a danger zone. Little piles of melty ice-cream everywhere and paper cups behind the couch.
No, that kind of mess isn’t THAT hard to clean up. (If you have THAT kind of mess, you really just need this stuff.) Although, this advice will apply to how to clean a trashed house as well – any mess, little-people-parties included.
I’m talking about THE MESS. The big bad mess. When you have let the clutter and junk take over. There’s piles of laundry in the living room, you can’t see the kitchen counters, can’t remember the last time you cleaned out the fridge. You may or may not find a bag of potatoes – or what used to be potatoes – sitting at the back of the pantry.
If you take a moment to look around your home you might even feel shame and despair. But you also look around and feel that sinking feeling that says you won’t EVER be able to clean it up, because you just do NOT know where to start.
It’s hopeless.
THAT kind of mess.
This is the sort of paralyzing mess that for some reason, wants me to live in it. (I don’t. I work very hard to not allow my home to be messy. I am not a naturally tidy person, which is baffling because I LOVE it when my home is tidy, and I grew up in a tidy home. I don’t know where I developed the messy habits.)
I have learned that it is far easier to KEEP my home clean than to have to try cleaning a messy house once it gets to the paralyzing mess stage.
But, if you are still there, paralyzed in your mess… well, I get it and I have the path to the light at the end of the tunnel for you.
My momma taught me this when I was an obviously overwhelmed-by-the-mess kid, and it’s worked ever since.
Related: How to Conquer Clutter When it’s Emotionally Difficult
Related: Tackling Clothing Clutter: Confessions of a Clothes Hoarder
First, two things to consider (to start cleaning a messy house):
If you are so overwhelmed that you don’t believe it’s possible to clean your house, you might need to ask for help and that’s ok, but then be willing to let the helper help. It’s really frustrating to have someone ask you to help them and then not be allowed to do anything. If you feel like you need to be in control, that’s something you’ll have to address.
The odd time when my home DOES return to this state of overwhelming mess (like- um – if I have a baby and forget how to do “life”) I ask for help when I need it.
Also, consider addressing the clutter and disorganization in your home – FOR GOOD. Sometimes just cleaning up isn’t enough.
Addressing the clutter in my home took me a LONG way towards never feeling paralyzed by the mess anymore. But I didn’t know where to start, and I actually needed someone to TEACH me how to do it.
If your house is constantly buried in clutter and mess, check out The Organized Home Course by Hilary from Pulling Curls. It is created just for people like us, who need to be given bite-sized tips & lessons on organization so we know where stuff is, save time & feel more peace at home. (Because we do ACTUALLY deserve to feel at peace in our homes!)
This is the perfect course for organizing a messy home if:
- You always need hours of notice before having guests because you’re embarrassed about the state of your home.
- You’re always worried you misplaced an important document or won’t be able to find things when you need them.
- You’ve ever wondered why can’t YOU enjoy peaceful time on the couch or enjoying your family instead of always stressing out about the state of your home?
If you need someone to TEACH you how to address clutter and get organized, Hilary is your girl, and you can get 10% off the course here with the code MOP10.
But even if you choose not to ask for help or deal with the clutter, you can clean up the mess.
And here’s how.
You pick up one thing.
(Tune out the rest of the mess for now. You’re just dealing with one thing.)
Pick up one thing – the nearest thing to you – and ask yourself, “Where does this thing go?”
Does it have a home in your home? Does it need to LEAVE your home (donation/garbage)?
Then put that thing where it goes. (If it needs to be donated, make a box for donating and call that it’s home for now.)
And pick up another thing. Find it’s home or give it a home or get it out of your home.
And repeat.
And repeat.
And repeat.
I swear this works. It’s tedious yes. But it’s not overwhelming. It’s one thing at a time… and one thing at a time, you can clean up the mess.
Related: Secrets for Keeping the House Clean With Small Kids
Related: 7 Tangible & Life-Changing Benefits of Decluttering
If you try to do this but get distracted or stuck or struggle with how to motivate yourself to clean a messy house:
Here’s where asking for help can be awesome – because there is an automatic built in job for the helper. (Plus having someone else involved can be really good cleaning motivation!)
Have someone (a patient someone) hand you one thing at a time and ask “where does this go?”
And repeat.
Having someone else there to keep you on track might be the only way to keep yourself going the first time you do this.
But you CAN do this 🙂
Once things are put properly in their homes (or out of your home) tackle the “dirt” – which you will inevitably find under “the mess” – with the most natural, safe, and cost effective household cleaners you can find. (For me that’s been Norwex – this one tub of cleaner has lasted me for THREE YEARS and I have no qualms about getting it on my skin. They even have a system for washing windows and mirrors with ONLY water!)
More From Mommy on Purpose:
Where do you start when you’re drowning in CLUTTER?
Clean kitchen habits you can adopt today
Ok wow, major goals here. I am starting to get up earlier too and notice that it definitely makes a difference. Great blog post! Thanks for sharing
Amazing article, and some amazing comments, too!
To readers I wanted to say, there IS light at the end of the tunnel. My father was quite a serious hoarder, and though I only went as far as a serious clutterer and collector, I used to have many days of overwhelm with my own mess. I wanted to add a few things that worked for me, and has gradually (over years) helped me to have more order and fewer things.
The part where you talked about feeling suffocated, and doing one item at a time… I can relate to that. If you can do one thing at a time in one little area where you sit or work, you can create BREATHING SPACE. This can be important… a sort of “safe place.” For some it might be their bed or the chair or sofa where they sit at night, or a counter in their kitchen. If you can develop a habit of keeping your safe space safe… its like it changes your whole perspective on things. It doesn’t have to be big, either.
Gradually, to really get on top of things, we need to reduce what we own. I would find it very hard to let go, but with determination, I found that some days were easier than others to do this, and I had a few tricks to letting go that I wanted to share. I know the saying is, “One in, one out,” but first with clothes I started doing, “One in, two out.” Sometimes I would get rid of things before the shopping trip and sometimes after, but very gradually I got rid of that which I wasn’t using anyway. Clothes were a relatively easy area for me to start letting go, because I wasn’t attached. You start with whichever area is easiest for you!
Second, I found a technique that worked for me. I’d get a box. I have a t.v. in my bedroom. When I wanted a morning or afternoon watching t.v., I would fill the box from one area in my house. It might be the contents of a drawer or the top of a desk, or part of a cupboard, or toiletries, or my least favorite… paperwork… it could be almost anything. The t.v. or movie would be just distracting enough to keep me calm. And then I’d sort the one pile into two piles. The piles would be “KEEP” and “TOSS.” My goal was always to make the two piles roughly the same size. In other words… to get rid of about half. Sometimes i’d get rid of half, sometimes only a quarter. But i’d get rid of stuff. Sometimes, giving away things to people I knew would need them or want them would help me to let go. Sometimes putting the fewer things (like socks, for instance) back into a drawer that was no longer over-stuffed would feel so great that it would be easier to do it again with another box.
There are other tricks I used with myself but the main point i’m trying to make is really all you have to do is begin, and then doggedly keep putting one foot in front of the other and you’ll get there. Gradually you can get better at not bringing as many things home (when you know bringing stuff home is going to mean that suffocating feeling, it gets easier not to bring things home), of having fewer, better quality things instead of “more,” and other little habits (like maybe putting dirty clothes in the laundry basket every time) that help keep us on top of things.
Thank you for this article, and thank you readers for your tips and experiences, I enjoyed reading them also!
This is wonderful. I’m not a mother of human babies but I live with my fiance and his dad which neither of them ever want to clean anything. We have three dogs two of which shed like crazy so I feel like there’s no point in even cleaning their room (yes our dogs have their own room haha) then in a different room we have three lizards and a bunny. So I’m always feeding animals and taking them out giving them attention as all kids and fur kids and scaley kids need. So cleaning comes hard for me. Especially with adhd and depression. And to top it off I’m alone all day with just the kids until about 8pm when my fiance gets home but by then he doesn’t want to do anything but watch tv. Won’t even feed the dogs that he got before we got together. I’m going to try this the best I can with a meditation or something relaxing playing. There’s actually an app called headspace that has meditations for small chores like the dishes.
Thank you again!!
I agree with most of this, thank you so much for providing us this tips.
I’m a creative with ADHD/depression/a small puppy, and I needed to read this today. I am so bad at trying to be a superhuman and do all the things all at once and I stress myself out and then…I must nap from being overwhelmed. Time to rock this sheeet. 🙂
Honestly, the method i use is pretty simple and effective. I just set a duration like 30 minutes dedicated for cleaning my house or cleaning my swimming pool. So this way I know that there is an end to it and not just run off with the mind-set that it will never end. kinda like being in class room knowing itll end in 90 minutes instead of not knowing when itll end.
You don’t understand….a lot of this but s depression. The author hit the nail on the head.
Absolutely RIGHT Ann! And the MESS just makes you more deptessed?
You are so right Ann…. I moved into my moms house that was already a mess, and me being a mess to begin with has not helped. I can’t do the “pick up one thing and find a home for it” I need someone here to coach and work with me on this” I desperately need help
Yeah I agree. I think it is depression and then the mess just makes it worse…
I personally find it overwhelming to have someone constantly ask me where I want things to be placed. When someone is helping me clean/declutter/organize, I prefer that they make suggestions on where they think something should go. Sometimes they suggest a place that I hadn’t thought of or that makes more sense than where I had placed it before.
I am there right now. I let the dishes and laundry pile up and then have to rewash everything because it fell on the floor and is covered in dog hair. It seems like even when I get everything clean it ends up messing again in a day. Clutter is never ending.
Typical advice. Put things away. Put things in their place.
Nothing I own has a place. Nothing. Nobody ever addresses this problem.
THANK YOU for this post!!! I am definitely one of those people. I hate it, and wish I wasn’t. But now that my house has become a disaster zone over the past year with me working and dealing with health issues and my mom’s cancer, I had to quit working and today sat down to find some inspiration to help me get started in getting this place back under control!!!! Thank you for being like me, and understanding how debilitating it can make a person feel. ❤️
Thank you for this! I am currently paralyzed by my mess! 3 kids, 2 dogs, hubby, me, and home under construction. I needed this!
Carly,
You are beautiful, and so right! Been there and done that so many times in my almost 63 years. First purchasing our big old (with emphasis on OLD) farm home. So many things needed fixing to keep the dust out. That was almost 40 years ago and we aren’t done yet. Plus living on a farm can involve alot of messes. Dirt, dust, manure, oil, grease, and a host of other things. And having moved from a small mobile home to this 2-story 5-bedroom farm house was a stretch on my cleaning skills. Not only did I need to maintain it while we were fixing it up, I helped my husband outside a lot, plus I was preparing for our first baby. And for some reason I thought that since it was a big house, it needed to be filled up with things. Ugh! Needless to say, I was overwhelmed often.
Looking back, I can see that some of my trouble came from my own decisions. I was still young and learning. Some of it was life happenings that I had no control over. Knowing the truth of the matter helps, I’ve found, at least to one’s peace of mind when you find yourself in a mess. And wisdom and knowledge are powerful tools when you can get them. Sometimes that takes time. But like you said, “pick one thing at a time”. That’s all we can do.
And the biggest thing I’ve learned….don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid while you’re doing one thing at a time what others may think or say. Just do one thing at a time. One more thing at a time. And one more thing at a time. You’ll get there. Remember the tortoise and the hare? “Slow and steady wins the race”. And “there” is where YOU want to be. Not necessarily where others want or think you should be. Although, there are things we do out of love for some of those around us. And not that you can’t move fast when you want to. I have done that as habit, however, over the years to the point of exhaustion. Slowing down is sometimes a way to bring peace in the moment. Like taking time to listen to the birds or soothing music, admire that blue sky outside, taking a long relaxing bath, playing with your baby. So many beautiful things to do & be thankful for.
I will be thinking of you as I go through the “collections” in my sewing/library/craft/storage room this season. Then there’s the dishes, my desk, etc….. One thing at a time.
Take care & best wishes,
Valerie
Thank you so much for publishing this How To! All my life I’ve been unintentionally messy. I came from the cleanest house in the world yet lived in such a messy room my mom would keep my door shut so she didn’t have to see it. Even after my children were born, I was only able to keep their rooms clean and the rest of the house was very disorganized and messy. Of course I was always tired and blue from the giant mess I had made that I couldn’t get out from under. I even would come up w excuses to tell friends and family why they could Not come over to my house.
Finally, I figured it out, but it was hard!!!! And the funny thing is, I wound up doing it just like you describe and instruct people how to.
I always thought I was the only one like this. That I was the only one who could not keep a clean house. That I was the only one who could not keep my laundry clean and put away at the same time. That I was the only one who could not find what I needed and would have to buy another one because the kids needed this or that for school. I use to think that I was the only one who had stacks of mail mixed up with stacks of opened, empty envolopes. I use to think I was much to messy for a cleaning lady yet I couldn’t really dust or vacuum properly around my piles of everything. I use to think a lot of negative things about myself as a house keeper.
But, today I feel so much better about myself because your article describes my life and now I know I am not the only one who has been through this.
Thank you for sharing your story and insightful ness.
I hope and pray your advice is found and read by the right people!!!!
Thank you for this! Literally went searching for this just a few minutes ago after flopping into bed feeling desperate. I naturally looked to Pinterest for some inspiration to help me get my act together- and this is what I needed to hear! Thank you for writing this!
I suffer from depression and anxiety. I live with my partner and I’m in between jobs after an operation. The house is in a state and I really struggle to motivate myself. He works all day and expects the house to resolve itself since I have time and I agree. But should I find the motivation I then feel overwhelmed with the sheer state of it. I’m going to try your method tomorrow. Pick a spot and start. I can’t ask for help. The last person I let in during a very low point made some comments so I want / need to do this myself. Thank you.
I get overwhelmed with housework and endless piles of stuff. And of corse I feel just unmotivated and at times shut down for the task. I do the 10 things challenge. I just pick and put away 10 items. By the 10th item I sometimes have the desire to do more. Usually but not always. Lol. Another challenge I do it 5 things thrown away. 5 things put away. Five things donated. At least 15 things are done a day.
As someone who can relate to a cluttered, messy house, let me just say: unless there are skeletons of dead cats somewhere underneath your clutter, your house is in no danger of looking like it belongs on Hoarders. And yes, depression certainly plays into it; one sort of feeds the other like a vicious cycle. They say the state of your home reflects the state of your mind, so it’s important to keep that in mind.
Great article! Thank you!
I think this is wonderful! I have heard some of this before and we use the thin white paper plates that you’ve seen everywhere. This cuts a tremendous amount of time! Then they go in the recycling bin. Not regular paper but it can be recycled. I am feeling like the moving right strategy is going to be especially helpful!
Ok Miss Carly!! Just when did I sign permission for you to install the cameras in my house?! Yep,”Nail on the head” alright!! My home has sneakingly become the hoarder house. I subconsciously knew it was happening, but there were many dark factors in play that I just relented and let it take me. In another life time, just a few short years prior to that gathering storm cloud I was a very organized person. I had to
be; single mom, 2 small kids, 3 big jobs, 2 cars, giant yard, 2 dogs, 5 cats, fish, 2 birds, a tarantula and a Partridge in a Pear Tree!! ? I even did spring AND fall cleaning every year! Then, well, life happened, and I slowly sank. As mentioned above, depression does play a good leading role in this. Which is quite ironic and a vicious cycle; you don’t clean because you are depressed, and in turn, you become MORE depressed because you didn’t clean and the place is a mess. I’ve come to a point of do or die here Girls! Either I get the lead out of my ass and step up or Im going to be living in a van down by the river because the clutter is beginning to push me out the door!
Believe it or not, I actually do the “one thing at a time” method! It forces you to block out the bigger picture and focus on one pixel at a time. Seems fruitless at first but once all of them are in place, that big beautiful picture will immerge! I literally start in one corner of a room and methodically move from left to right placing the things where they belong. I even say this little mantra in my head as I work…. “Pick it up, put it where it goes”. Sounds kinda manic-ish but when I’m saying it, I’m not thinking of anything else, it keeps me from Squirreling and my mind won’t have time to talk me into thinking I will never get done!
Here is my question: When you pick that Thing up, and you get it where it goes, what do you do when where it goes is such a mess that you can’t put it back yet??! That’s my ultimate frustration! I end up laying it down some where close whilst thinking, I will come back to that and organize it later. I end up just moving messy crap from one room to the other! Any tips on how to handle that? And also, I need to have everything written down meticulously so I won’t forget dates, appointments, bills, homework and such. I’ve been trying to come up with a way to organize everything and keep it in sight. The expandable file folders are a great idea, bulletin boards, dry erase boards, calendar planner book, etc. I just don’t want to end up with 50 different things and locations and having to write the same things down a dozen times. Example; calendar on fridge, in sight, AND traveling calendar agenda to reference when needed. I also keep a.. weird kind of journal I guess you would say…. in which I write down everything that happens on a daily basis, a to do list, a shopping list, what is said in phone calls to utility companies, etc. You get the picture! EVERYTHING! Simplify that for me please!!
Side note….I don’t really like the mobile apps…old fashioned pen to paper gal! ?
I have no choice. It’s so out of control I cannot stand it another day. I have battled depression for 50 years. This episide, however, my depression is paralyzing. I doubt that cleaning up will do much to offer any reluef as my motive to start is not real inspiring.
I don’t want to be found dead, alone, and sitting in my filth. I have no intention of harming myself, but no desire to continue living either, depression robs you of desire.
I had hoped that with aging, my depression disorder would ease up,, if by only a small amount. I have been and currently am under the care of a psychiatrist and on an antipression medication (SSRI). As usual, I have not been taking them as directed. It’s easy to give up the medication routine when the symptoms of the disease begin the slude down. Especially since antidepressant medications do not provide a narcotic effect, but rather a subltle maintance of brain chemicals. I have begun my medicine,again, and, as usual, the medication has no immediate relief, so I look for help not for self-pleasure, but the shame of being found dead in this. Thank you fir your ideas. I must get started, regardless of the causation being for me to improve or the shame of being discovered like this.
Thank you.
J. Riley