There are some people who won’t even understand the title of this post. They don’t know what it’s like to wonder where to start when cleaning a messy house.
They’ll think – “what does that even mean?!” (These people always have clean houses, and they can organize their junk drawer with their eyes closed. Or at least they could if they had a junk drawer. But they don’t.) They’ve never experienced a truly messy house.
And there’s some people who will roll their eyes at the drama of it, and they’ll think “Just clean it up. Take the action, do the things.” These people are also likely to leave nasty comments about how this post is sort of stupid. (I won’t publish them.)
But then there’s other people – maybe you’re one of these people – who know what it’s like to stand in the middle of a messy room and feel absolutely paralyzed by the mess. (Me!! I AM ONE OF THESE PEOPLE!) These people will get what this post is about.
We are the people who wonder desperately “where to start cleaning my house?!”
You might even have a secret fear that your house looks like hoarders (- you know, that TV show where food is molding under the couch and the neighbors are complaining?)
And I want to share some good solid advice with these people (you), on how to move forward with cleaning when you feel paralyzed by a mess.
(THIS POST PROBABLY CONTAINS AFFILIATE LINKS. OUR FULL DISCLOSURE POLICY IS REALLY BORING, BUT YOU CAN FIND IT HERE.)
Related: A Simple Solution to Clutter & Disorganization
When you want to clean up “the mess” in your house but don’t know where to start:
You know what I’m talking about when I say “the mess”.
It’s not like you had a clean house 6 hours ago, but a kid’s birthday party has turned your home into a danger zone. Little piles of melty ice-cream everywhere and paper cups behind the couch.
No, that kind of mess isn’t THAT hard to clean up. (If you have THAT kind of mess, you really just need this stuff.) Although, this advice will apply to how to clean a trashed house as well – any mess, little-people-parties included.
I’m talking about THE MESS. The big bad mess. When you have let the clutter and junk take over. There’s piles of laundry in the living room, you can’t see the kitchen counters, can’t remember the last time you cleaned out the fridge. You may or may not find a bag of potatoes – or what used to be potatoes – sitting at the back of the pantry.
If you take a moment to look around your home you might even feel shame and despair. But you also look around and feel that sinking feeling that says you won’t EVER be able to clean it up, because you just do NOT know where to start.
It’s hopeless.
THAT kind of mess.
This is the sort of paralyzing mess that for some reason, wants me to live in it. (I don’t. I work very hard to not allow my home to be messy. I am not a naturally tidy person, which is baffling because I LOVE it when my home is tidy, and I grew up in a tidy home. I don’t know where I developed the messy habits.)
I have learned that it is far easier to KEEP my home clean than to have to try cleaning a messy house once it gets to the paralyzing mess stage.
But, if you are still there, paralyzed in your mess… well, I get it and I have the path to the light at the end of the tunnel for you.
My momma taught me this when I was an obviously overwhelmed-by-the-mess kid, and it’s worked ever since.
Related: How to Conquer Clutter When it’s Emotionally Difficult
Related: Tackling Clothing Clutter: Confessions of a Clothes Hoarder
First, two things to consider (to start cleaning a messy house):
If you are so overwhelmed that you don’t believe it’s possible to clean your house, you might need to ask for help and that’s ok, but then be willing to let the helper help. It’s really frustrating to have someone ask you to help them and then not be allowed to do anything. If you feel like you need to be in control, that’s something you’ll have to address.
The odd time when my home DOES return to this state of overwhelming mess (like- um – if I have a baby and forget how to do “life”) I ask for help when I need it.
Also, consider addressing the clutter and disorganization in your home – FOR GOOD. Sometimes just cleaning up isn’t enough.
Addressing the clutter in my home took me a LONG way towards never feeling paralyzed by the mess anymore. But I didn’t know where to start, and I actually needed someone to TEACH me how to do it.
If your house is constantly buried in clutter and mess, check out The Organized Home Course by Hilary from Pulling Curls. It is created just for people like us, who need to be given bite-sized tips & lessons on organization so we know where stuff is, save time & feel more peace at home. (Because we do ACTUALLY deserve to feel at peace in our homes!)
This is the perfect course for organizing a messy home if:
- You always need hours of notice before having guests because you’re embarrassed about the state of your home.
- You’re always worried you misplaced an important document or won’t be able to find things when you need them.
- You’ve ever wondered why can’t YOU enjoy peaceful time on the couch or enjoying your family instead of always stressing out about the state of your home?
If you need someone to TEACH you how to address clutter and get organized, Hilary is your girl, and you can get 10% off the course here with the code MOP10.
But even if you choose not to ask for help or deal with the clutter, you can clean up the mess.
And here’s how.
You pick up one thing.
(Tune out the rest of the mess for now. You’re just dealing with one thing.)
Pick up one thing – the nearest thing to you – and ask yourself, “Where does this thing go?”
Does it have a home in your home? Does it need to LEAVE your home (donation/garbage)?
Then put that thing where it goes. (If it needs to be donated, make a box for donating and call that it’s home for now.)
And pick up another thing. Find it’s home or give it a home or get it out of your home.
And repeat.
And repeat.
And repeat.
I swear this works. It’s tedious yes. But it’s not overwhelming. It’s one thing at a time… and one thing at a time, you can clean up the mess.
Related: Secrets for Keeping the House Clean With Small Kids
Related: 7 Tangible & Life-Changing Benefits of Decluttering
If you try to do this but get distracted or stuck or struggle with how to motivate yourself to clean a messy house:
Here’s where asking for help can be awesome – because there is an automatic built in job for the helper. (Plus having someone else involved can be really good cleaning motivation!)
Have someone (a patient someone) hand you one thing at a time and ask “where does this go?”
And repeat.
Having someone else there to keep you on track might be the only way to keep yourself going the first time you do this.
But you CAN do this 🙂
Once things are put properly in their homes (or out of your home) tackle the “dirt” – which you will inevitably find under “the mess” – with the most natural, safe, and cost effective household cleaners you can find. (For me that’s been Norwex – this one tub of cleaner has lasted me for THREE YEARS and I have no qualms about getting it on my skin. They even have a system for washing windows and mirrors with ONLY water!)
More From Mommy on Purpose:
Where do you start when you’re drowning in CLUTTER?
Clean kitchen habits you can adopt today








I get that it would be helpful to ask for help, but there is no way I could allow anyone into my apartment when it’s as bad as it is right now! I wouldn’t even pay a stranger to help me at this point. Maybe a robot that was literally incapable of judging me!?
My Momma always said you can’t eat an elephant with one bite lol. Her advice was to go through the house with a big trash bag and pick up all the trash. Not just what is in the trash cans but everything such as used napkins, Kleenex, paper, wrappers, junk mail, etc. Next take a laundry basket from room to room and gather all the dirty laundry. Take this to laundry room and put in a load of big stuff: towels, jeans, sheets… not a load of baby clothes or kids stuff where you are checking a million pockets, and pretreating each piece. Take the laundry basket back through each room and gather all dirty glasses, dishes, whatever you will need to wash and take to kitchen. Load the dishwasher or fill sink with straight hot soapy water and put whey you can in it and let it soak. At this point you are ready to do the one thing at a time until it’s time to switch out the laundry. When you clear the floor of one room do a quick vacuum or dust mop and move on. Always start in the room you spend the most time in then do a sink of dishes, come back and put away when dry or nearly dry. It may take a few days to do an entire house but it is so satisfying to make a little progress on laundry, clutter, dishes all at once.
Hi Carly,
I’m so glad you made this article. I am a single mom and an older single mom! I work and come home EXAUSTEDall the time. I too have the cludder bug syndrome! Its so hard to keep a clean house work and raise a child was hard when I was younger. Bit now that Im 49 with an 8 year old daughter it has gotten WORSE!!!! I am going to start your ideas tonight when o get off work. Thanke yall!
And I think we all need to take a weekend and hit each others house and just clean each others house! ☺ Yall remember when we used to go to someone elses house and helped clean? We could get a bunch done that way! ☺ Ok. Love yall bunches! Good luck ladies! Im with ua and praying we all get this done! Have a great day! Cheryl?
It is as if you have been to my house and looking in my fridge. Thanks so much!! I think I can do this one item at a time.
thank you so much…. I needed some kind of guidance because though i love my home when its neat and organized some how my husband and I find ourselves in the middle of a tremendous messy home to the point where we are way to embarrassed of having people over….. But going by your tips I was able to tackle it without overwhelming myself to the point of stress!!! thanks again
I have this problem frequently. It’s made worse by the fact that every stinkin year, we have peak season at work from right after Christmas until MAY. I work 50-60 hours per week for MONTHS. During this time, my home gets cluttered FAST, PLUS there’s all the Christmas stuff to clean up (seriously, for YEARS, I was lucky to get my decorations put away by FEBRUARY),,,On top of that, we have a small house and our daughter and her other half and our grand daughter (almost 2) live WITH us. Then, on top of that, I have osteoarthritis in BOTH knees, and standing or walking for more than 10 minutes HURTS. So, during peak season at work, my house is generally in SHAMBLES. Sometimes it’s just completely mindnumbing how easy it is to just completely FREEZE and not know what to do so you do NOTHING.
I would suggest that you make a plan ahead of time. Say less decorating or that your daughter and her SO clean and take down the decor. Maybe even hiring someone to come in once or twice a week. Maybe a chore wheel. I don’t know what if any help you get from your daughter ect, but perhaps you can make/agree that helping to keep things up during that time is a condition to continuing to be able to live with you.
Thank you for this I did find it helpful but I’m still working through being stuck. I went through one item at a time and the things I’ve decided I wanted to keep are all in a keep pile because I have no idea where to put them. I’m redecorating my room so now I have piles of things I want to keep and not a clue where I should be putting them. The struggle is real I tell ya!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Ok I understand this but what about everything that doesn’t get have a home but you want/need to keep it. My craft room has become my crap room.
Crap room definition: the room where everything goes to hide.
you need to MAKE a home for that stuff!
I am a wheelchair user and have a hard time cleaning. I also have a hard time getting a large task started. Any advice would be great.
My problem… *feels* more complex than “The Mess” made out of miscellaneous clutter. I’ve been in IT for over a decade, and I have lots of dongles, cables, PCI cards, sticks of ram, old hard drives, monitors, driver disks, and other bits of hardware in boxes in various rooms and just strewn about the house. The process of “where does this go?” I have tried before, and the answer is always “I don’t know.” The next advice you give is to donate or throw it away, but I cant, because I might need it later. And I know people say that about the silliest things, “I might need those dead batteries later,” or that “broken lamp, I can fix it”, etc etc, but I really *will* need this stuff later. Spare parts for fixing things, driver disks I may not be able to re-download later, cables for older hardware you can’t find anymore, or don’t want to buy again if (and more likely, when) I need it later. I need all my things, but I have no idea where to put them. And I can’t for the life of me figure out how they’ve all gotten so *dirty*, there’s just dust everywhere.
Steve, my dad was in the same boat. He used the garage and later one room in the house. A walls of bookcases, with bins and drawers long table along one wall. Went along way. Perhaps the key making a place, an organized place for everything. Plastic drawers, book cases, or even using cabinets could help. I think your issue strewn about the house. Again one area/ or one room….
You could get some really nice staking storage cheap at ikea
Clean dust free and tidy
Thank you so much for this article! I so badly want to have a clean house, but get so very overwhelmed every time I try to get started. I usually start something in one room and then have to go do laundry and then the million other things that come with work and raising 3 boys and nothing ever gets finished!!! I then get discouraged because I feel like I’ve been working on this all afternoon after coming home from work and have nothing to show for all the work!!! My mom used to clean when we all went to bed, but she was a stay at home mom and didn’t have to go out to work the next day. :-/
I am sitting here looking at my messy kitchen and thinking about the tons of laundry I need to do. Maybe I’ll drink an energy drink, turn on some music and clean after my boys go to bed! 🙂
Am 14 and my parents leave me 2 clean the whole house it’s so small so there just juck everywhere the mess HORRIBLE!! I start to cry and have trouble catching my breath. Even when it’s clean there still junk and dirt everywhere. We have 2 cats 6 kittens and 4 dogs it’s a mess!! And it’s all suppost to be done when they get home
Not sure how recent this comment is, but I am so sorry you are dealing or have been dealing with that:( It’s bad enough when you decide to clean on your own, but someone making you do it feels horrible! I also relate to the panic attack feeling of trouble breathing and needing to cry. My family went on vacation recently and I decided to stay home to work and I wanted to clean our one story house but keep getting too anxious or disgusted to clean… Our dishwasher is broken, I have a phobia of spiders which like to find their way into our house, there’s not enough space for all of our stuff, dust is everywhere and there is grime between cracks in the kitchen with a moldy garlic smell that I have yet to deal with. Wish I we weren’t struggling financially cause otherwise I would hire soo many people haha (house cleaners, pest control, interior designers…etc).
This was the most loving and honest representation of my struggle. Thank you ♥
Oh…my..G… i just googled…am paralzed in front of my mess… and thank you. In my 20’s I was cleaning people’s home.
Now, my, over 3500sq Ft home filled with 5 boys and a avid semi pro biker working from home husband..
My house turned into a nasty mess. I just threw all the school papers in the paper bin bc i do that in June every year..
But now.. i have clutter, stuff, toys, computer accessories, cables, back packs, violin, guitars, keyboard, ..skates boards..and tons of shoes.. i start one thing, then jump to another one..then by sorting donation, I keep keeping again stuff..
I have hard time separating myself from souvenirs..and crap..
You gave me some ideas.. and HOPE… i was really PARALYZED in front of a pile of books, stuffed animals, shoes, and dirty laundry in one place…
Thank you..am not alone.. i hired cleaning lady (every other month) and floors have to be picked up so they can work..it takes me days just to prepare the arrival of the cleaning ladies..and i have 3 jobs too…
i cook a lot and entertain a lot my friends and neighbors..
Well..i have few days before going back to work.
Steve, sounds like you need a storage system for all your cables and other parts. Maybe a cubbyhole system or bookcases where you can put labels on everything. It’s hard to know where to put things you need, but don’t have a clean space to put them. It’s a vicious cycle of “I need to clean the living room, but in order for me to get the Christmas decorations out of there, I have to clean the spare room of all the other stuff that has no home, but then I have to figure out where to put all that stuff”. I live in the country, and I don’t have a municipal garbage curb side pick up, so I have to take my garbage to the compactor site. That’s another thing I can always talk myself out of doing. – “I’ll go next week”. Then it piles up. Yikes! I would love to just move to another place and leave it all here.
Thank you so much for your article! I thought I was the only person out there who has trouble with keeping there house cleaned. I feel so overwhelmed most days and guilty. Thank you again and I will take your advice and start with one thing at a time and a lot of prayer.
This blog article is a true answer to my prayers!!! Thank you for the ideas and inspiration. Lové the intro 😉
Stock the bathroom and kitchen with dispensers of all-purpose cleaning wipes for quick spot cleanings when necessary.If you aren’t in the habit of putting things away daily, add “declutter” to your cleaning list. It’s much easier to clean a home that’s free of surface clutter.
I live in England and don’t know what Norwex is. It sounds amazing, is there an equivalent I can get in the UK? As for the potatoes in my vegetable rack….I think they are growing legs. Thanks, so much. It’s so easy to believe that the gene for being tidy was absolutely skipped somewhere down the line , I’ve been shuffling my Mess from one room to another for years and I dare not look under my bed. But! I will take them all out one at a time. So blooming simple….why on earth didn’t I think of it before? Thanks a lot, Stella