There are some people who won’t even understand the title of this post. They don’t know what it’s like to wonder where to start when cleaning a messy house.
They’ll think – “what does that even mean?!” (These people always have clean houses, and they can organize their junk drawer with their eyes closed. Or at least they could if they had a junk drawer. But they don’t.) They’ve never experienced a truly messy house.
And there’s some people who will roll their eyes at the drama of it, and they’ll think “Just clean it up. Take the action, do the things.” These people are also likely to leave nasty comments about how this post is sort of stupid. (I won’t publish them.)
But then there’s other people – maybe you’re one of these people – who know what it’s like to stand in the middle of a messy room and feel absolutely paralyzed by the mess. (Me!! I AM ONE OF THESE PEOPLE!) These people will get what this post is about.
We are the people who wonder desperately “where to start cleaning my house?!”
You might even have a secret fear that your house looks like hoarders (- you know, that TV show where food is molding under the couch and the neighbors are complaining?)
And I want to share some good solid advice with these people (you), on how to move forward with cleaning when you feel paralyzed by a mess.
(THIS POST PROBABLY CONTAINS AFFILIATE LINKS. OUR FULL DISCLOSURE POLICY IS REALLY BORING, BUT YOU CAN FIND IT HERE.)
Related: A Simple Solution to Clutter & Disorganization
When you want to clean up “the mess” in your house but don’t know where to start:
You know what I’m talking about when I say “the mess”.
It’s not like you had a clean house 6 hours ago, but a kid’s birthday party has turned your home into a danger zone. Little piles of melty ice-cream everywhere and paper cups behind the couch.
No, that kind of mess isn’t THAT hard to clean up. (If you have THAT kind of mess, you really just need this stuff.) Although, this advice will apply to how to clean a trashed house as well – any mess, little-people-parties included.
I’m talking about THE MESS. The big bad mess. When you have let the clutter and junk take over. There’s piles of laundry in the living room, you can’t see the kitchen counters, can’t remember the last time you cleaned out the fridge. You may or may not find a bag of potatoes – or what used to be potatoes – sitting at the back of the pantry.
If you take a moment to look around your home you might even feel shame and despair. But you also look around and feel that sinking feeling that says you won’t EVER be able to clean it up, because you just do NOT know where to start.
It’s hopeless.
THAT kind of mess.
This is the sort of paralyzing mess that for some reason, wants me to live in it. (I don’t. I work very hard to not allow my home to be messy. I am not a naturally tidy person, which is baffling because I LOVE it when my home is tidy, and I grew up in a tidy home. I don’t know where I developed the messy habits.)
I have learned that it is far easier to KEEP my home clean than to have to try cleaning a messy house once it gets to the paralyzing mess stage.
But, if you are still there, paralyzed in your mess… well, I get it and I have the path to the light at the end of the tunnel for you.
My momma taught me this when I was an obviously overwhelmed-by-the-mess kid, and it’s worked ever since.
Related: How to Conquer Clutter When it’s Emotionally Difficult
Related: Tackling Clothing Clutter: Confessions of a Clothes Hoarder
First, two things to consider (to start cleaning a messy house):
If you are so overwhelmed that you don’t believe it’s possible to clean your house, you might need to ask for help and that’s ok, but then be willing to let the helper help. It’s really frustrating to have someone ask you to help them and then not be allowed to do anything. If you feel like you need to be in control, that’s something you’ll have to address.
The odd time when my home DOES return to this state of overwhelming mess (like- um – if I have a baby and forget how to do “life”) I ask for help when I need it.
Also, consider addressing the clutter and disorganization in your home – FOR GOOD. Sometimes just cleaning up isn’t enough.
Addressing the clutter in my home took me a LONG way towards never feeling paralyzed by the mess anymore. But I didn’t know where to start, and I actually needed someone to TEACH me how to do it.
If your house is constantly buried in clutter and mess, check out The Organized Home Course by Hilary from Pulling Curls. It is created just for people like us, who need to be given bite-sized tips & lessons on organization so we know where stuff is, save time & feel more peace at home. (Because we do ACTUALLY deserve to feel at peace in our homes!)
This is the perfect course for organizing a messy home if:
- You always need hours of notice before having guests because you’re embarrassed about the state of your home.
- You’re always worried you misplaced an important document or won’t be able to find things when you need them.
- You’ve ever wondered why can’t YOU enjoy peaceful time on the couch or enjoying your family instead of always stressing out about the state of your home?
If you need someone to TEACH you how to address clutter and get organized, Hilary is your girl, and you can get 10% off the course here with the code MOP10.
But even if you choose not to ask for help or deal with the clutter, you can clean up the mess.
And here’s how.
You pick up one thing.
(Tune out the rest of the mess for now. You’re just dealing with one thing.)
Pick up one thing – the nearest thing to you – and ask yourself, “Where does this thing go?”
Does it have a home in your home? Does it need to LEAVE your home (donation/garbage)?
Then put that thing where it goes. (If it needs to be donated, make a box for donating and call that it’s home for now.)
And pick up another thing. Find it’s home or give it a home or get it out of your home.
And repeat.
And repeat.
And repeat.
I swear this works. It’s tedious yes. But it’s not overwhelming. It’s one thing at a time… and one thing at a time, you can clean up the mess.
Related: Secrets for Keeping the House Clean With Small Kids
Related: 7 Tangible & Life-Changing Benefits of Decluttering
If you try to do this but get distracted or stuck or struggle with how to motivate yourself to clean a messy house:
Here’s where asking for help can be awesome – because there is an automatic built in job for the helper. (Plus having someone else involved can be really good cleaning motivation!)
Have someone (a patient someone) hand you one thing at a time and ask “where does this go?”
And repeat.
Having someone else there to keep you on track might be the only way to keep yourself going the first time you do this.
But you CAN do this 🙂
Once things are put properly in their homes (or out of your home) tackle the “dirt” – which you will inevitably find under “the mess” – with the most natural, safe, and cost effective household cleaners you can find. (For me that’s been Norwex – this one tub of cleaner has lasted me for THREE YEARS and I have no qualms about getting it on my skin. They even have a system for washing windows and mirrors with ONLY water!)
More From Mommy on Purpose:
Where do you start when you’re drowning in CLUTTER?
Clean kitchen habits you can adopt today
Currently paralyzed by the mess. Close to a week’s old unwashed dishes in the sink. Laundry still needs folding and our newborn needs constant attention. I quit. Ha.
Glad I found your blog. It’s to know you’re not alone.
Aw it’s ESP. hard when you have a newborn!! Just enjoy babe and try not to think about the mess for a few months 🙂
Thanks for the article. I am a big hoarder of things reminiscent to me. I have followed your advice and finished my first room which was the kitchen/dining room. Whatever I hadn’t used in the last month went out to the goodwill.
Now for the living room. It is much easier than I thought it would be. To make it even better my son came for a visit and commented on how nice the kitchen/dining room looked. Thanks.
WOW Margaret. It sounds like you got this under control!! That is so exciting 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing. I hate that paralyzing feeling! It’s great to know I’m not alone. I love your concept! I will be trying this very soon!!
It’s the BEST way 🙂
Everything like everybody else had said. ..down to the potatoes. .done it so many times finally figured out one day what i thought was maybe a dead mouse-smell somewhere was actually a bag of old potatoes. .and i realized how to describe what the smell of a dead mouse is most similar to…a bag of old potatoes. Lol..I m literally reading your article on pintrest sitting in my basement trying to get myself to “get to it”and do the Damn thing..because I’m so overwhelmed by the shameful pitiful lazy and there’s no good reason to justify this kind of mess…mess. i love the one item at a time mentality. .it worked to think that way when i used to walk long distances back in the day to not feel deflated with every step and feeling that there’s no finish in sight. But i know this one at a time thing will work, however my house is so oooo baaaaadddd rt now,i literally can’t put stuff back in its home because of the mess keeping me from having a clean space beforei can clean another space in order to have a space to clean up a space. …Yada Yada. ..i know there’sa ton of misc garbage and a lot of stuff i don’t need but in order to declutter and organize i need room to do that yet i dont have room coz of the stuff…so I’m just whining a little herei know the obvious to thisi just wanted to vent that i have the mess that makes me wish i had a tornado or something to blame for this or take it away.I’m not a pigpen or a Lazy person yet why does my house say otherwise? I’m so ashamed. .i will take your advise and the comments off the others as comfort that I’m not alone in this disorientating dump thati fear someone unfamiliar with my home would catch me off guard and see it one of these days and i need to push myself before that ends up being the actual reason i push myself into doing it because someone saw it. ..you know whati mean? Anyways i will do it and thank you for nailing it in your blog.
IT is just crazy how many people can relate to this! The potato smell is the WORST.
You are not alone! I once had 2 homes. I lost one and moved into the other one with the majority of things from the 1st home.The stuff got dropped in my living room. Then my mom passed away and left me a bunch of stuff. I actually hoped the same thing about the tornado…at least I would have an excuse for the mess! I never seem like I can get it together…I’m so ashamed that at almost 58 years old I still have trouble with keeping the house next. I’m giving my problem to God. He told me that the mess didn’t happen overnight and that I can’t expect it to get clean overnight. He did say to work on it a bit each day and eventually you will be able to have a clean home. Sometimes I tend to procrastinate. That can be my problem too. It is getting cleaner and there is a light at the end of that tunnel.
I think I know what some mean about not being able to put things away, because there is another out-of-place item in the way! And so on, and so on… until I can’t help but give up in frustration! I’m going to try the one thing at a time system but I have my doubts – back when I was married and my husband would bribe me to clean the kitchen, I would go around the room and systematically clean off all the counters, only to get back to where I started and realize the counters aren’t clean yet, I just got rid of the first layer of the mess and now I have a new level of mess to attend to. So assuming I’m feeling fairly well and can stand and bend and do what I need to to clean, it still takes me a week to do JUST. THE. KITCHEN! And of course the kitchen gets used every day, so when I feel finished and start on another room the kitchen starts creeping back to where I started with it!
Thank you for writing this. I thought I was the only one who had problems cleaning “the mess.” So simple but it it helped ALOT!
You are so not the only one!
I would like to add that it always helps to start with the easy stuff. Don’t start on family photos or baby clothes. Start with last weeks junk mail, dishes, recycling, cleaning out your fridge. Get some victories under your belt!
Oh my goodness yes, that is so wise!
Wow! This post got me off my booty and motivated me to clean today! I even came back to leave a comment. 😉 I was supposed to have two days on my own, but my 8-year-old son ended up with me for the two days through a situation that was beyond my control. I was grumpy about not having the time to myself, but had decided yesterday that he was going to help me clean up for one of the days. I googled “how to clean a disaster house” and say the word “paralyzed” in this post’s description and I just knew this was the one I needed to read.
So, I broke his huge mess in the living room up into manageable tasks while I took care of the kitchen and dining room. I have to say that just getting all of the STUFF where it should be (garbage, donation, or put away) WITHOUT thinking about busting out the actual cleaning supplies until everything was put away helped me IMMENSELY. Now I’m looking at decluttered (but not yet “clean”) surfaces and I finally feel like I can breath! Yes, there are still pockets of craziness around me, but the major stuff is done and I’m not bogged down by the feeling of “I should be cleaning right now” while I spend time with my kids or make dinner or whatever.
Thank you so very much for helping me get myself motivated to clean. My hubby is gone for two days and I know he will see, feel, and smell a difference when he walks into the house tomorrow. I’m so excited!
I’m SO excited that you were so inspired Tori – congrats on the major success there! (Feels amazing, doesn’t it?! )
Hi! I am ready to get it cleaned! I am a Paralyzed cleaner for sure! So, where do you get help? I do not know a friend I can ask. I need to find help!
HI there! I’m sorry I don’t have a great suggestion for you. I wonder if a maid service would come to help?
I laughed out loud when I read your graphic post that says something about being suffocated by the mess! I have been in this situation so many times! Due to a prolonged illness (years), and a spouse who is a clutter magnate, there have been times I just sat down and cried about the overwhelming amount of junk and ‘things’ to find places for. I admit to praying to God for help with all my might! I love order and beauty so much, so my situation really was extremely difficult.
Anyway, God did send help through some YouTube videos on how to declutter. I’m so grateful for the things I’ve learned through other people who have overcome this nightmare of a problem and offer suggestions as to how they found success!
Kudos to you for sharing your experiences! I applaude you and your efforts to help others become overcomes too!
HI Gail! It sounds like you really get it – Praise God for answered prayers <3
This was really sweet of you, thank you. It’s nice to know other people can go through this. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed.
LOADS of other people go through this 🙂 I think it’s the human condition for half the humans out there!
Thank you! I knew I wasn’t alone, but it’s nice to hear other’s stories. My potato story came from putting a bag in my cool basement laundry room. I discovered it after a bunch of baby flies showed up on the window in the stairwell. In spite of concidering myself to have quite a keen sense of smell, I must be “nose blind” and easily distracted in my own home. Throw them in a compost pile or hole in the garden and forget them again. You may get a surprise to harvest later!
I’m afraid to watch “Hoarders” because it might hit too close to home. I grew up in a very tidy home, so this was not a learned habit like it may be for my own children! If the socks weren’t in a laundry basket, they wouldn’t know where to find them. Yet my tidy, organized mother said she didn’t grow up in a neat home, so it is might be more of a brain type thing. I have struggled with this all my adult life and can no longer say it is from having children or being too busy working. I have come to realize this is just who I am and it doesn’t make me a bad or lazy person. Not everyone likes shopping or cooking, so why is everyone, women especially, expected to love housework. Hoping it would change with a bigger, smaller or new home never seemed to happen. I always find myself back at this place in spite of my vows to keep it up.
Working in a senior living facility, I tell myself I need to start habits that will help if I develop memory loss or get very sick. Other people posting here are or have dealt with that already. I think how everything having a place and going back there would be a tremendous help. Keeping things I will never get around to using or for pure sentimental reasons is a problem I feel I should solve. Think of the people left to clear out my house!
I have a reaccuring dream of finding a room I have completely forgotten. It is clean and full of closets, cupboards, shelves, counters or other wonderful space for storing things. It has big sunny windows for my houseplants and often a big deck through beautiful french doors. I hate waking up from that dream! On the other hand, my other reaccuring dream involves trying to pack for a trip and not being able to find anything or even decide what I need to take. So I may decide to buy it when I get there, only to have multiples and more stuff to clutter my house when I get home!
I’d ask or even pay for help, but that seems more distressing than doing it myself. Besides being embarrassed, my past experience of giving down-on-their-luck friends a place to stay taught me that things I value may be junk to others. I’ve had so many things ruined, broken, thrown away and stolen, I have a hard time thinking of letting someone go ahead and clean. For me, guiding someone else and answering questions while I work would just cause an anxiety attack.
So the big question is: WHERE TO START? You have the answer for people like me. ONE thing at a time. Baby steps add up and as I see a little progress I find some motivation.
Ideas I like-
Setting a TIMER: Telling myself to just put in 10 or 15 minutes doesn’t feel overwhelming and I usually find myself going much longer. I also like using COMMERCIAL BREAKS as short, easy time slots to unload the dishwasher or breakup another job like cleaning the bathroom. I may end up missing part of a tv show, but it probably wasn’t that important anyway.
COUNTING helps me work on a job with lots of repetition. I challenge myself to pull 25 weeds every time I walk through the yard. I often end up doing many times that. Or pick up 5 things before I leave the house or go to bed. Put away 10 things in every room.
I’ve tried challenging myself to doing something every day and marking it on a calendar. Promising myself a reward for doing it for a week is motivating. I learned in a seminar it takes 21 days to develop a new habit. It is worth a try!
When I do decide to concentrate on ONE ROOM at a time, I use BASKETS or BOXES for things that go in another room or for like things to sort later. Along with the garbage can and giveaway box, I might have mail, paperwork, magazines and books, craft supplies, junk drawer, laundry, things to clean, and other household members stuff. Those smaller collections can be sorted while watching tv or dealt with another time.
I like variety. I’m not really a creature of habit, so switching that idea around a bit to using a basket to go through the house picking up like items would work for me, too. Pick up everything to go downstairs or in the den.
I like the idea of piling everything on the bed and getting the floor clean. Or putting everything aside and cleaning the counter. The feeling of a clean floor or counters is a nice way to start out.
It all goes to breaking the daunting job of cleaning down into smaller pieces. Each giving you reachable goals and small successes.
One final thought to finish up the small book I’ve written here! My best motivation trick is MUSIC. It helps me focus by blocking out some distractions, perks up my mood and keeps me going longer. I love my rock and roll. So I put on headphones for those with a different taste in music and they only have to tolerate some off tune singing and an occasional dance move!
So for me, the key is to remember to use all these ideas more often! I know they work. I’ve just grown so accustomed to the clutter I don’t always recognize the stress it causes me.
WOW thank you for sharing all that!!! (And have you noticed that we ALL have a potato story!?)
I too become paralyzed. I’m not a lazy person, I am a slob, and while I usually don’t mind straightening up I’m not consistent. I usually can’t think past putting 5 items away at once. Other times I take a small basket in a room and fill it with anything that belongs in other rooms. I immediately take the basket around the house and put the items in the basket away where they belong. I have to MAKE myself put that item in it’s proper place. That way when I make my way around to the other rooms that item has been put away and hasn’t added to the pile. A laundry basket is to big and would be daunting. There are times when I can only put one thing away at a time. It makes me feel pathetic but usually I’m at a point of being overwhelmed by multiple things on my mind. When I’m done going from room to room putting things away I don’t have energy to clean the way I want to so a quick clean is all I can manage which is passable. I read somewhere that we should clean an item and stick with that until done. Example: Wash all the interior doors in the home until they are all done, wash all the windows in the home, sweep and wash baseboards, clean all the ceiling fans, wash off all cabinetry, move furniture and vacuum all the floors. Wash your rugs and mop all the floors that need mopping. Etc. Do a big job each day to get caught up on the spring cleaning and enlist the help of family members if possible. That way it’s one thing at a time. Don’t start a new item until the one you’re working on is finished. Lastly, lets say I get room # 1 picked up today. I go back to that room the following day and put the few things that have resurfaced then move on to room #2. On day 3, I move back to room 1 & 2 – tidy them then move to room 3. Eventually I’ve moved through the whole house Being consistent is the hard part.
When I saw this article I thought OMG, that’s me but honestly I just recently got this way but it just keeps getting worse every day. I could write a book on how I got this way but I will try to make it brief. I am retired but am now working part time at Peddlers Mall, Bab idea. I love my job but I am a shopaholic. I am always bringing stuff home that I feel like I’ve got to have and then I can’t decide what I’m going to do with it and so the pile keeps getting bigger. I also get real tired and just can’t do what I use to do and I get real frustrated and depressed and say the heck with it but I can’t say that anymore. I have got to get my house in order. Christmas is coming and I really want to decorate but now I have another problem. I hurt my back somehow and my siactica nerve has been killing me. I went to the Dr and he gave me some meds to help it but I’m sure it will take some time. So here I am with this clutter and mess that I’m still looking at but your advice gave me hope. Thank you so much and I too also found a stinky bag of rotten potatoes in my pantry. God Bless you.
I love that everyone can relate to the potato thing!!! I had no idea it would be that way when I wrote this LOL. <3
Thank you for your article! I am totaly there! But since 2 month i follow an advise which is working for me : i have to throw away or donate 3 items per day and I cross it off in a calender . I often do more just for the joy of crossing off and also for the days I haven’t any time or energie. Three items per day is few but over the time it pays off!
I am so happy for this PIN!!! I was really ready to go to a shrink!.. (thinking I may be on the verge of a nervous breakdown) ;currently I am having one of the bedrooms renovated and things are everywhere . I feel inside I can not get rid of things, but inside I can’t move and become depressed. I can’t say thank you enough!!! for allowing me to see I am NOT alone!
AWw you are DEFINITELY not alone! (There appear to be MANY people here who understand, based on these comments!)
I’ve been there many of many times in my life, in fact, it’s the story of my life. I am very neat, clean, detailed, perfectionist, and can be quite obsessive about it BUT, I can’t keep up all the time on a constant basis, hence my house frequently becomes an overwhelmed mess house and I have to wait for that spark of energy to clean it ALL. Wash, rinse, repeat. It’s a viscous cycle. I know that paralyzing fear all too well.
After living with this for over 21 years, my advice is that if you get to that point where your home is a disaster, a literal disaster and you are just so overwhelmed by it, then I would say to start throwing things away. I remember one time, I got so fed up with doing the dishes, working, schooling, taking care of kids, that I threw all the dirty dishes, pots and pans in the trash. Yep I sure did. I came home and there was the disaster kitchen waiting for me, I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed a box and a trash bag , took all the dirty dishes, pots and pans out of the sink, and threw ALL of them away. It was soooooooooooooooooooo liberating and such a relief!!!! I went to the store the next day and bought new ones. A little at a time. My point is, if you can’t keep up all the time and you get hit with the overwhelming mess from time to time, take short cuts. Cheat. Throw crap away and start over. It’s the o nly way you’re going to survive.
My biggest problem is that I do get this feeling… every time. And the amount of time I have to work on it gets me through, at most, one room in the house. Then, when I feel like I could tackle the next room, the original room is back to this point from my family “living ” in it… And there’s no one to help. How do you combat that to actually get the whole house to a manageable point?
P.S.
We have been through some major life stuff this year that makes it hard to get the motivation to do this to begin with… So it knocks me down quite a bit each time I have to do it again. So that’s an added challenge. (Just to give you the full picture)
Thank you so much for your blog , I have been looking for a site that really expresses what I am going through, and some solutions! I am a older disabled ( severe back problems ) Grandma raising 4 grandkids that help very little and I feel judged whenever anyone visits . My home is clean but messy. I have my standards so high and I can’t keep up and I feel frustrated daily. When I was young raising my 2 kids I kept a clean tidy house proud Home. How can I get over my embarrassments and quit beating myself up over this ? I come from generations of OCD housewives that’s helped influence me. Any advice or me ? Thank you !
I used to hear stories of people who had tons of things in their homes and I would laugh about it,then I started going to thrift stores and flea markets,well my house became so cluttered with items it was costuming me at times,I want to throw out certain items and still recall what I paid for it.I need help and do struggle figuring out what to do with it.now I understand it’s not a laughing matter it’s become an illness I must overcone.
I think knowing it’s something you must (and WANT) to overcome is the first big step!!
I LOL’d out with relief, joy and gratitude that there was at least one person who get’s
it and is not judgmental . Thank you, for your compassionate and practical advice which will carry all of us who struggle with the same challenge. God Bless Your Mother for instilling and gifting you with this knowledge and your generosity in sharing it with us.
May God Continue To Bless You And Your Family!
Tami
<3 You too Tami!!
You totally get me. I’m sooo overwhelmed. On top of that I have disabilities that don’t enable me to do more than 15 minutes at a time. Looking forward to your suggestions…..I’m drowning…..
I wish you all the best Marie! 15 minutes at a time is a GOOD start – just do ten things, in the 15 minutes.
Marie I understand how having a disability can prevent us from cleaning the way we would like, I miss the days where I could whip through the house in an hour. I have mobility issues (Lymphedema in legs) so I can only stand and do things until my legs start to swell. We have a small house, that holds my husband, teen son and myself, plus all our ‘treasures’!!
If you are at the point that you are just snowed under, you may have to ask for help. Do you have someone that can help get you caught up, then all you have to do is maintain it afterward? I have spent the past two days, headphones on listening to my favorite tunes, and just dove in head on, I was that sick of the mess.
I wish you clarity for you, as you go along.