There are some people who won’t even understand the title of this post. They don’t know what it’s like to wonder where to start when cleaning a messy house.
They’ll think – “what does that even mean?!” (These people always have clean houses, and they can organize their junk drawer with their eyes closed. Or at least they could if they had a junk drawer. But they don’t.) They’ve never experienced a truly messy house.
And there’s some people who will roll their eyes at the drama of it, and they’ll think “Just clean it up. Take the action, do the things.” These people are also likely to leave nasty comments about how this post is sort of stupid. (I won’t publish them.)
But then there’s other people – maybe you’re one of these people – who know what it’s like to stand in the middle of a messy room and feel absolutely paralyzed by the mess. (Me!! I AM ONE OF THESE PEOPLE!) These people will get what this post is about.
We are the people who wonder desperately “where to start cleaning my house?!”
You might even have a secret fear that your house looks like hoarders (- you know, that TV show where food is molding under the couch and the neighbors are complaining?)
And I want to share some good solid advice with these people (you), on how to move forward with cleaning when you feel paralyzed by a mess.
(THIS POST PROBABLY CONTAINS AFFILIATE LINKS. OUR FULL DISCLOSURE POLICY IS REALLY BORING, BUT YOU CAN FIND IT HERE.)
Related: A Simple Solution to Clutter & Disorganization
When you want to clean up “the mess” in your house but don’t know where to start:
You know what I’m talking about when I say “the mess”.
It’s not like you had a clean house 6 hours ago, but a kid’s birthday party has turned your home into a danger zone. Little piles of melty ice-cream everywhere and paper cups behind the couch.
No, that kind of mess isn’t THAT hard to clean up. (If you have THAT kind of mess, you really just need this stuff.) Although, this advice will apply to how to clean a trashed house as well – any mess, little-people-parties included.
I’m talking about THE MESS. The big bad mess. When you have let the clutter and junk take over. There’s piles of laundry in the living room, you can’t see the kitchen counters, can’t remember the last time you cleaned out the fridge. You may or may not find a bag of potatoes – or what used to be potatoes – sitting at the back of the pantry.
If you take a moment to look around your home you might even feel shame and despair. But you also look around and feel that sinking feeling that says you won’t EVER be able to clean it up, because you just do NOT know where to start.
It’s hopeless.
THAT kind of mess.
This is the sort of paralyzing mess that for some reason, wants me to live in it. (I don’t. I work very hard to not allow my home to be messy. I am not a naturally tidy person, which is baffling because I LOVE it when my home is tidy, and I grew up in a tidy home. I don’t know where I developed the messy habits.)
I have learned that it is far easier to KEEP my home clean than to have to try cleaning a messy house once it gets to the paralyzing mess stage.
But, if you are still there, paralyzed in your mess… well, I get it and I have the path to the light at the end of the tunnel for you.
My momma taught me this when I was an obviously overwhelmed-by-the-mess kid, and it’s worked ever since.
Related: How to Conquer Clutter When it’s Emotionally Difficult
Related: Tackling Clothing Clutter: Confessions of a Clothes Hoarder
First, two things to consider (to start cleaning a messy house):
If you are so overwhelmed that you don’t believe it’s possible to clean your house, you might need to ask for help and that’s ok, but then be willing to let the helper help. It’s really frustrating to have someone ask you to help them and then not be allowed to do anything. If you feel like you need to be in control, that’s something you’ll have to address.
The odd time when my home DOES return to this state of overwhelming mess (like- um – if I have a baby and forget how to do “life”) I ask for help when I need it.
Also, consider addressing the clutter and disorganization in your home – FOR GOOD. Sometimes just cleaning up isn’t enough.
Addressing the clutter in my home took me a LONG way towards never feeling paralyzed by the mess anymore. But I didn’t know where to start, and I actually needed someone to TEACH me how to do it.
If your house is constantly buried in clutter and mess, check out The Organized Home Course by Hilary from Pulling Curls. It is created just for people like us, who need to be given bite-sized tips & lessons on organization so we know where stuff is, save time & feel more peace at home. (Because we do ACTUALLY deserve to feel at peace in our homes!)
This is the perfect course for organizing a messy home if:
- You always need hours of notice before having guests because you’re embarrassed about the state of your home.
- You’re always worried you misplaced an important document or won’t be able to find things when you need them.
- You’ve ever wondered why can’t YOU enjoy peaceful time on the couch or enjoying your family instead of always stressing out about the state of your home?
If you need someone to TEACH you how to address clutter and get organized, Hilary is your girl, and you can get 10% off the course here with the code MOP10.
But even if you choose not to ask for help or deal with the clutter, you can clean up the mess.
And here’s how.
You pick up one thing.
(Tune out the rest of the mess for now. You’re just dealing with one thing.)
Pick up one thing – the nearest thing to you – and ask yourself, “Where does this thing go?”
Does it have a home in your home? Does it need to LEAVE your home (donation/garbage)?
Then put that thing where it goes. (If it needs to be donated, make a box for donating and call that it’s home for now.)
And pick up another thing. Find it’s home or give it a home or get it out of your home.
And repeat.
And repeat.
And repeat.
I swear this works. It’s tedious yes. But it’s not overwhelming. It’s one thing at a time… and one thing at a time, you can clean up the mess.
Related: Secrets for Keeping the House Clean With Small Kids
Related: 7 Tangible & Life-Changing Benefits of Decluttering
If you try to do this but get distracted or stuck or struggle with how to motivate yourself to clean a messy house:
Here’s where asking for help can be awesome – because there is an automatic built in job for the helper. (Plus having someone else involved can be really good cleaning motivation!)
Have someone (a patient someone) hand you one thing at a time and ask “where does this go?”
And repeat.
Having someone else there to keep you on track might be the only way to keep yourself going the first time you do this.
But you CAN do this 🙂
Once things are put properly in their homes (or out of your home) tackle the “dirt” – which you will inevitably find under “the mess” – with the most natural, safe, and cost effective household cleaners you can find. (For me that’s been Norwex – this one tub of cleaner has lasted me for THREE YEARS and I have no qualms about getting it on my skin. They even have a system for washing windows and mirrors with ONLY water!)
More From Mommy on Purpose:
Where do you start when you’re drowning in CLUTTER?
Clean kitchen habits you can adopt today








This is so true!!! I am not a clutterer myself. I have 2 sisters that have the most difficult time parting with stuff. It’s always, “I may need that or someone I know might need that” In fact I was just at one of their houses last night helping declutter. I don’t completely understand why they are this way but I always try and help. We are a long way from done but I gave her a good start!! Thank for your article.
AW I bet your sisters are eternally grateful Gina – it is SO hard!
Hi Carly,
Im glad somebody addressed the emotional difficulties that can be attached to messy houses. I feel like I’M the mess & have lots of shame around a messy house. What I love is creating a beautifully decorated house but I’ve been haunted by that deep overwhelment over the mess i can’t seem to get ahead of. Thanks for addressing these issues here.
HI Darienne! I’m so glad you enjoyed the post – you are certainly not alone. And you CAN get ahead of the mess. It will just take some serious effort.
Thank you so much for years I thought I was the only person that struggled with this problem. Any advice for becoming “unstuck ” when it comes to others belongings. I leave that stuff to pile up because I am afraid they will get upset if I move it or throw it away. Any help on that would be great!
DO these people live in your house Jenn? If they don’t live in your house I’d give ’em one last chance to come get it… and if they DO live in your house i’d give ’em once last chance to put it away. And then I’d deal with it myself if they don’t!
I feel overwhelmed with my mess, with a twist. I know it’s going to physically hurt for me to do any cleaning, as I have arthritis and fibromyalgia. Even on my good days, it still hurts a bit, and then I’d rather go out and do fun things. Not clean. Lately I’ve been trying to psych myself up to get into that huge shower and clean it. Gotta get inside it to clean it….and it’s better if I’m not wearing any clothes! Or maybe a swim suit. LOL. I usually clean for 10 minutes, sit for a while, get up and clean for 10 more minutes, sit again, and on and on. That gets frustrating too, as I just want it clean. And potatoes do smell the worst!
Jen I totally clean my shower the same way! ha! I don’t even bother with the swim suit tho! I use all norwex so I don’t worry about getting it on my skin. I’m so sorry to hear about the physical struggles you have… I can’t imagine how challenging that must be!
Jen, I too have arthritis and fibromyalgia and other health issues that make cleaning painful and I get overwhelmed by “the mess” but while the rest of my home seems uninhabitable my shower always sparkles. Every Tuesday, as soon as I turn off the water, before I get out of the shower, I wipe it down with a Mr Clean magic eraser. All of the other days I wipe it down with yesterday’s hand towel. This way it never gets dirty.
I’m glad I decided to read this in it’s entirety! I have ocd/add/depression from the clutter, etc…my problem is I lost my entire memory in 2004 (no short-term, but I got a lot back over a 13 year period, so I like everything to be exactly where I’ve put it so I don’t have to search for it…did I mention that I have an awesome 7-year old son who loves to help me clean (which is nice, since 100% of the time the mess was created by him…lol) and a 48-year old who is not bothered by clutter in the least little bit, but he does try to help me the best he can, bc thinking about what I need to do around here can spark a fun filled panic attack. Is there any one out there who can’t just tidy up a room…if I’m going to do something…I do it 110%, but if I don’t have enough time or energy to give 110%, then it gets postponed…does anyone have journals full of to-do lists that would be impossible for a full team of Molly Maids to complete?
WOW Rachel – that sounds like it must be on heck on an interesting story – I can’t get past the “lost my entire memory” part there. I can not imagine!! WOW! I think you would be excused for some clutter!
Rachel, as far as having to do something 110% or not at all, that’s being a perfectionist. And (I hate to inform you of this), since only Jesus was perfect, you will NEVER attain perfection! So, ease up on yourself & just do your best when you can. ?
Great advice Patti!!
We call this gamee,”where does this really belong?” And yes, it’s a game so my young kids will pitch in, because it really is their crayons and stuffed animals all over the floor. I got really mad at the mess one day and literally got rid of all art supplies except a handful of crayons and two coloring books. I threw a lot away and put some out of reach from the kids. A few weeks later and it has curbed the mess tremendously! Sometimes anger is good for decluttering!
haha anything that helps! Maybe a bit of anger at the stuff would do us all some good!
Nice to know I’m not the only one that feels paralyzed like this. Thank you!
You are 100% not alone Rhonda!
This is what works for me; if there is stuff all over the floor, say in a kid’s room,pick up everything and put it on the bed. Vacuum. Then put away one thing at a time from the bed. It is encouraging even at the beginning because the floor is at least clear. ‘Works the same way in the kitchen; just put everything on the island or table. Clean your counters and then start on your pile. Saying is still easier than starting tho’. I’d rather do almost anything else but clean!
I do this too Lee! Especially in the bedroom. I find then, that I am FORCED to finish the job if I want to go to bed LOL
I find that having three boxes lined up CLEARLY MARKED “Somewhere Else”, “Give Away” and “Trash” (or a trash can) helps. Otherwise I put that one thing away, and get sidetracked while I’m gone…
YES – and then get those boxes RIGHT OUT! (so the stuff doesn’t creep back out of them… cus, uh, that happens to me all the time. lol)
I have this same problem. I found setting a timer for 15 minutes, or 30 minutes REALLY helps me. I don’t feel so overwhelmed if I give myself a time limit. Then if I feel like setting the timer for another chunk of time, which usually I do because I’m so pleased with how much I got done in that first chunk of time…AND, when I am overwhelmed, another thing I do is start in one are of the room and work, say, clock-wise around the room, that helps make it seem not so overwhelming too.
Great Tip Vivian!! I can absolutely see how that would help with the overwhelm. Thank you for sharing 🙂
What a ridiculously easy way of tackling that mountain of stuff everywhere in the house. From all the comments submitted, you have really helped so many people! Especially those of us with too many hobbies who have papercraft mountains, fabric mountains, yarn mountains, etc ………… Thank you.
Hey Janine – I have to admit I was surprised at the number of responses to this post. It seems like we live in a busy busy world with lots and lots of stuff… and we’re all not that different! You’re so welcome, and thank you for reading <3
Thanks, Carly. The article and comments are so helpful. Anyone with autoimmune illness can so easily get in this state. ?
I long for help, but those who want to “help” often cause more tears and frustration than good.? They need to understand that I do, from long ⌛experience, know what works for my family ? and what doesn’t.? I need their respect, not judgment. ?
Your article & the discussion that follows is a ? reminder to help me get/stay on track. ?
Right now my “dining/craft” room is filled with empty and “to go” ?boxes. I need help getting the boxes “to go” to Goodwill or ?
“Homelessness” for my keepers ? is my biggest concern. I hope sorting and removing the trashables and donateables will simplify that. Energy is an issue for me, too. I just keep trying, though, bit by bit.
Thank you for Sharing Robyn! I can imagine autoimmune and the struggles that come with it just add another layer of frustration to this situation for sure :/ I’m sorry to hear your energy is so down! But good for you for working on your “getting rid of”. Just keep at it! slow and steady!
Hi Robyn,
I have started scheduling pick ups for my “to go” boxes online and it really helps me get them out of my apartment! I use donatestuff.com and I’ve never had any problems. ☺
Love your simple yet effective advance! I personally love organizing, but hate cleaning I know that sounds like a complete oxymoron but it is true. Something about finding places and buying pretty baskets is fun, but sweeping or cleaning the toilet just does not get me going. I have never thought to have someone else there not helping for say as much as keeping me on track as you put it. I use this same concept to stay motivated to work out just never thought to apply it somewhere else, thanks!
Hahaha yes I can absolutely understand the difference between cleaning and organizing 😉 makes 100% sense!
Thank you for sharing this with the world. Thank youThank youThank youThank youThank youThank youThank youThank youThank youThank you! ??????
You’re MOST welcome xx
Ok this is totally me right now because we just got back from taking our kids camping. I will try focusing on one thing at a time, I’m just afraid that all the messy little people will follow behind me dropping stuff, lol.
I love your emphasis on getting that item you’re holding out of the house if it doesn’t belong. I’ve been working on decluttering and I think it’s starting to really help that there is less stuff in the house to be left out and make a mess.
Alicia you made me LOL with “all the messy little people” …. yes sometimes I think it feels like we are bailing water out of a sinking ship – but don’t give up!
Wow, this really resonated with me. My now-wife and I moved into a new apartment last fall, a place twice as big as the old one, with a ton of closets & storage space. We swore when we moved that we would make the effort to put things away, to have a place for everything…so a few months later, when our 2nd bedroom was still full of unpacked boxes and most of the flat surfaces in the apartment were covered with papers, I felt completely stuck and ashamed. Moving was our big chance to live a less cluttered life, to not be embarrassed to have people over…and admitting that we hadn’t changed our old habits was really hard.
We somehow roped ourselves into inviting my whole family over for Fathers Day, and spent the two weeks before that freaking out and doing our best to declutter, right up to the day everyone came over. We wound up just hiding some stuff or shoving things in the back of closets just to get them out of the way–but I let that be okay, as long as I came back to it later, which I did! Much to my shock, my whole family — which includes two neat freaks, including my dad, was really impressed with our place. Since then, my wife & I made a goal to try to keep the place as neat as possible. I make an effort not to let mail pile up, to shred or recycle stuff right away — no more putting off decisions! I know it’s only been a few weeks, but so far so good!
Thanks so much for your post!
HI Jessica! Thanks for sharing – IT sounds like you have made major strides in becoming clutter free – congrats! (BTW, you will NEVER get tired of feeling like it’s OK for people to come over because you are proud of the way your place looks!)
Thank you. I have one of those messes right now and feel overwhelmed. We moved last year and my bedroom looks like hoarders. I developed cancer and was too sick to mess with it, so it is still there. I am feeling better
but was feeling overwhelmed. Thanks for the advice.
I’m so sorry to hear about the cancer – and the mess! I’m glad you’re feeling better now Carol, and I know you will feel EVER BETTER once you tackle the mess. Good luck 🙂
Thanks for this article. I’ve always been judged for not having my house clean. I often look at the “mess” and have a mental vision of my house being tidy but I’m just ,Paralyzed!! This helps me understand that I’m not the only one going through this. One thing at a time works best for me. Does it have a home in my home? Good question! Now this will be the question for everything I grab on my hands 🙂 Thank you once again.
You are so welcome Eliza! You are DEFINITELY not the only one going through this
This post is exactly how I feel. You get me, and I thank you for putting myself into words I couldn’t find. I’m in a nasty ocd/anxiety/depression/near-hoarder cycle. But this gives me hope. Thank you.
I am so glad you enjoyed the post Meredith! I think there are more people in that cycle that we will EVER know.
So I’m reading these articles on decluttering, etc. But they don’t address my problem. One of the very many reasons I left my ex-fiance 20 years ago.
How do you declutter when everyone you live with doesn’t have a problem with it?
I want the kids to grow up knowing this is NOT normal.
HI Carol … yikes, I can’t imagine how stressful that is. That’s a hard question for me to answer because I have a hard time understanding how anyone could not have a problem with it. I guess that’s why clutter can (like you mentioned) break up relationships 🙁 I wish you all the best!