There are some people who won’t even understand the title of this post. They don’t know what it’s like to wonder where to start when cleaning a messy house.
They’ll think – “what does that even mean?!” (These people always have clean houses, and they can organize their junk drawer with their eyes closed. Or at least they could if they had a junk drawer. But they don’t.) They’ve never experienced a truly messy house.
And there’s some people who will roll their eyes at the drama of it, and they’ll think “Just clean it up. Take the action, do the things.” These people are also likely to leave nasty comments about how this post is sort of stupid. (I won’t publish them.)
But then there’s other people – maybe you’re one of these people – who know what it’s like to stand in the middle of a messy room and feel absolutely paralyzed by the mess. (Me!! I AM ONE OF THESE PEOPLE!) These people will get what this post is about.
We are the people who wonder desperately “where to start cleaning my house?!”
You might even have a secret fear that your house looks like hoarders (- you know, that TV show where food is molding under the couch and the neighbors are complaining?)
And I want to share some good solid advice with these people (you), on how to move forward with cleaning when you feel paralyzed by a mess.
(THIS POST PROBABLY CONTAINS AFFILIATE LINKS. OUR FULL DISCLOSURE POLICY IS REALLY BORING, BUT YOU CAN FIND IT HERE.)
Related: A Simple Solution to Clutter & Disorganization
When you want to clean up “the mess” in your house but don’t know where to start:
You know what I’m talking about when I say “the mess”.
It’s not like you had a clean house 6 hours ago, but a kid’s birthday party has turned your home into a danger zone. Little piles of melty ice-cream everywhere and paper cups behind the couch.
No, that kind of mess isn’t THAT hard to clean up. (If you have THAT kind of mess, you really just need this stuff.) Although, this advice will apply to how to clean a trashed house as well – any mess, little-people-parties included.
I’m talking about THE MESS. The big bad mess. When you have let the clutter and junk take over. There’s piles of laundry in the living room, you can’t see the kitchen counters, can’t remember the last time you cleaned out the fridge. You may or may not find a bag of potatoes – or what used to be potatoes – sitting at the back of the pantry.
If you take a moment to look around your home you might even feel shame and despair. But you also look around and feel that sinking feeling that says you won’t EVER be able to clean it up, because you just do NOT know where to start.
It’s hopeless.
THAT kind of mess.
This is the sort of paralyzing mess that for some reason, wants me to live in it. (I don’t. I work very hard to not allow my home to be messy. I am not a naturally tidy person, which is baffling because I LOVE it when my home is tidy, and I grew up in a tidy home. I don’t know where I developed the messy habits.)
I have learned that it is far easier to KEEP my home clean than to have to try cleaning a messy house once it gets to the paralyzing mess stage.
But, if you are still there, paralyzed in your mess… well, I get it and I have the path to the light at the end of the tunnel for you.
My momma taught me this when I was an obviously overwhelmed-by-the-mess kid, and it’s worked ever since.
Related: How to Conquer Clutter When it’s Emotionally Difficult
Related: Tackling Clothing Clutter: Confessions of a Clothes Hoarder
First, two things to consider (to start cleaning a messy house):
If you are so overwhelmed that you don’t believe it’s possible to clean your house, you might need to ask for help and that’s ok, but then be willing to let the helper help. It’s really frustrating to have someone ask you to help them and then not be allowed to do anything. If you feel like you need to be in control, that’s something you’ll have to address.
The odd time when my home DOES return to this state of overwhelming mess (like- um – if I have a baby and forget how to do “life”) I ask for help when I need it.
Also, consider addressing the clutter and disorganization in your home – FOR GOOD. Sometimes just cleaning up isn’t enough.
Addressing the clutter in my home took me a LONG way towards never feeling paralyzed by the mess anymore. But I didn’t know where to start, and I actually needed someone to TEACH me how to do it.
If your house is constantly buried in clutter and mess, check out The Organized Home Course by Hilary from Pulling Curls. It is created just for people like us, who need to be given bite-sized tips & lessons on organization so we know where stuff is, save time & feel more peace at home. (Because we do ACTUALLY deserve to feel at peace in our homes!)
This is the perfect course for organizing a messy home if:
- You always need hours of notice before having guests because you’re embarrassed about the state of your home.
- You’re always worried you misplaced an important document or won’t be able to find things when you need them.
- You’ve ever wondered why can’t YOU enjoy peaceful time on the couch or enjoying your family instead of always stressing out about the state of your home?
If you need someone to TEACH you how to address clutter and get organized, Hilary is your girl, and you can get 10% off the course here with the code MOP10.
But even if you choose not to ask for help or deal with the clutter, you can clean up the mess.
And here’s how.
You pick up one thing.
(Tune out the rest of the mess for now. You’re just dealing with one thing.)
Pick up one thing – the nearest thing to you – and ask yourself, “Where does this thing go?”
Does it have a home in your home? Does it need to LEAVE your home (donation/garbage)?
Then put that thing where it goes. (If it needs to be donated, make a box for donating and call that it’s home for now.)
And pick up another thing. Find it’s home or give it a home or get it out of your home.
And repeat.
And repeat.
And repeat.
I swear this works. It’s tedious yes. But it’s not overwhelming. It’s one thing at a time… and one thing at a time, you can clean up the mess.
Related: Secrets for Keeping the House Clean With Small Kids
Related: 7 Tangible & Life-Changing Benefits of Decluttering
If you try to do this but get distracted or stuck or struggle with how to motivate yourself to clean a messy house:
Here’s where asking for help can be awesome – because there is an automatic built in job for the helper. (Plus having someone else involved can be really good cleaning motivation!)
Have someone (a patient someone) hand you one thing at a time and ask “where does this go?”
And repeat.
Having someone else there to keep you on track might be the only way to keep yourself going the first time you do this.
But you CAN do this 🙂
Once things are put properly in their homes (or out of your home) tackle the “dirt” – which you will inevitably find under “the mess” – with the most natural, safe, and cost effective household cleaners you can find. (For me that’s been Norwex – this one tub of cleaner has lasted me for THREE YEARS and I have no qualms about getting it on my skin. They even have a system for washing windows and mirrors with ONLY water!)
More From Mommy on Purpose:
Where do you start when you’re drowning in CLUTTER?
Clean kitchen habits you can adopt today








Thank you for this. It helps to do one thing at time, to pray and to be thankful when its done . Yay☺
Absolutely Angela!
I just luv my norwex and your article. everyone should have a window/mirror cloth and clean with just water. let me know if you don’t have a consultant. I can answer and supply norwex products. thank you tammy
Thanks for the offer Tammy! I am a consultant myself 🙂
Good words Angela! I feel somehow prayer is part of it.
I love the idea that prayer is a part of it. I never even considered that. Thank you, Rebekah for mentioning prayer!
I love this! I’m kind of a hoarder but after cleaning out my grandfather’s stuff and taking care of my grandmother for a year my home got a bit neglected and I’m a bit overwhelmed.
Aw I’m sorry to hear that Melissa! It is SO hard to stay on top of your own stuff when someone else needs your attention. Just one thing at a time, and you will get it back under control 🙂
Good advice. Thanks for helping me get Unstuck. I just finished spending half an hour clearing my kitchen countertops. Used a timer. Amazed at what I accomplished. I’m going to make myself a dozen signs on bright yellow paper, ‘NO CLUTTER ZONE, put it away or give it away’. to remind myself to put things away before they pile up. I hope posting them by Front door, credenza, garage door, mud room, bathrooms, bedrooms etc. Will be a goid training program. Going to take it to the next level and get up off the couch during commercials and clear the dining room table. Great way to spend Memorial day weekend. Remembering and being grateful for the abundance we have and Those who fought or are fighting for our freedom. I am Blessing the items we no longer need and getting them to organizations that help the less fortunate. God bless you and God Bless America
YES YES YES!! We can be clutter free Paula! Thank you for reading and God bless you too 🙂
This works thank you getting ready to go on a trip and do not want to come home to a mess. Doing just one thing at a time does make it so much easier and I second Paula’s message God bless you and our country and thank you again. Laurie
Hey Laurie! YES this totally works!! Enjoy your trip 🙂
I really appreciate this, as a full time working mom of 3 it’s not so easy to keep up with home but I love that I’m not the only one whose has felt that way…thank you!!
HI Mari! You are ABSOLUTELY not the only one!! Thank you for reading 🙂
YES YESSS!! I am so glad to not be alone in this black hole. As I began reading and kept reading, you described me to a T right down to what is in the fridge. I recently retired and the first months were a like a “Jail break” . Soon however, I found myself not so much depressed but more like…..in shock. Not being able to move. I went on to have some contractors build a wall around my yard. That was at the end of June.. Now it is October and the construction is still not finished. My yard is trashed, my house is trashed and the new studio I decided to build is totallly not done plus the contractor has become and irresponsible child. It’s ugly. But… Carly , I am going to not despair and I will begin to employ your advice right now. I just happen to have a pile of clothes right handy to me on this couch. Here is to cleanliness and ZERO CLUTTER ZONE BECOMING ME. God Bless Us, Everyone.
I hope you kicked that pile of clothes right into the drawers Marie 😉 (And you are TOTALLY VERY not alone!)
Yes this has been me lately! I just thought I was overwhelmed but it’s I’m paralyzed by the clutter smh! Thanks for posting this!!! Us Moms need to stick together ??
YES WE DO Christina!
This was amazing and scary at the same time, because you described my mess all the way down to the potatoes in the pantry! I found a sense of relief knowing that I’m not the only one that gets overwhelmed sometimes and that we’re not perfect, but we do our best.
HI Brooke! I so wish the potato thing was just something I made up – but it totally happened to me a couple years ago. You are SO not the only one. I promise!
Oh my goodness! I’m right there with you, Brooke. We literally have a “laundry sofa” which looks brand new because nobody can ever sit there. A few weeks ago, we walked into the house and asked, “what is that horrible smell? ” Eventually we determined it was the bag of potatoes that had gone bad in the pantry. I absolutely took comfort in knowing I have kindred spirits out there! I’m going to tackle the kitchen table today. Blessings to my fellow clutterbugs. ♡ Diana
LOL Diana! It’s so funny that it’s always potatoes. I wonder why?
OMG! potatoes. Know the feeling et al. A few dats back- or weeks maybe- realized I didn ‘really look forward to getting home. Knowing I am not alone, and finding advice helps a lot.(I had gotten to the point of hoping I would never have to call an ambulance or fire dept because I’d be embarrassed) But have started and slready feel better. So does the cat.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I need this so much. Spent all day Monday doing genealogy because I couldn’t bear the thought of even trying.
And i can relate to what you said about people who DON’T get us. And it does help to have a helper, i had a friend who took two days off from work and helped tremendously without judging. You do have the path to the light at the end of the tunnel! Bless you for sharing.
I’m so right there with you Kitty – I do other things to avoid cleaning when it’s bad too! But the only way to get it fixed is to tackle it head on – ONE THING AT A TIME!! I really does help to have some support if you can let go and let them help. I’m so glad you have a friend like that 🙂
This whole article spoke to me and how I feel about my house currently. I’ve never been a good housekeeper and now that I have a baby, and my husband and I work opposite schedules, I feel even more paralyzed by the mess in my home and it only seems to be getting worse by the day. I’m going to try this and see what it does for me and for my home.
Hi Aubrey – O my goodness girl, I KNOW how having a baby can make it all feel like it’s piling up. I promise, one thing at a time is the way to go! I had to ask my mom to come help me… I just couldn’t do it alone with the baby and it was getting out of hand.
This is so true. I said this year I was going to change, but time has flown by so fast I really didn’t get anything done. My house is a horrible mess and I would rather just sit and quilt because I don’t know where to start. Hard part is that it is summer now and my 4 kids are home from school and want to go out all the time so it is harder to get anything done in the house. I am going to try to remember to do the pick up one thing cleaning. I’m sure it will work. I also have tried but keep forgetting that every time I get up or leave a room to pick up one thing and put it where it belongs.
It’s easy to forget and get comfortable in our habits… try sticky notes or an alarm on your phone – set the alarm for every hour and when it goes off, put one thing away!
I definitely get paralyzed by the mess. Breaking it into pieces like this helps a lot. I tend to break it into larger pieces by grouping things together, and then going back to each group from there. That way I don’t feel like I have to re-tread the same area if I run into multiple things that belong together.
HI Heidi! That sounds like a VERY good system! Still breaking it into smaller, less overwhelming tasks, but saving time as well.
Hi Carly, This was very informative thank you sooo much; I’m very clean and tidy a Libra who had almost OCD, but 3 years ago I was diagnosed with a thyroid issue; I’m single divorced one daughter who is married with her own kids but I have become lax with my house work. I laughed with people when I say maybe I should get back into entertain just to make myself clean up (LOL). Seriously this has helped me tremendously again thank you.
I’m so glad you found it helpful Brenda!! (And hey – ANY reason to clean up is a good reason Lol!)
Another excellent site is Flylady.net
Marla Ciley is the best at guiding you through your chaos. ( “can’t have anyone over” syndrome)
O I’ll have to check that out. Thanks Cathy!
I read this article because I wanted to find out WHY my friend, niece and daughter and most of the other young women I know are like this and was looking for a way to help them without judgement (out loud , anyway….can’t control what I’m thinking) ) I knew neatness and tidiness was not genetic…LOL but I did think I would pass along good habits vicariously by modeling. (Disappointed it didn’t work) They too, were raised in neat organized homes, yet their homes are NOT and look like some of the pics you have posted and describe! My usual MO is to do a clean sweep when I go there, but I wonder if I’m hurting or helping. They appreciate it for sure….but why can’t it be maintained? I guess I just don’t understand messy people. But your article describes perfectly how neat people think….naturally without all the effort! It also seems that YOU personally really wanted to NOT BE THAT MESSY person anymore and you discovered what we already know and do instinctively…Congratulations!
But what can I do to help them….any suggestions appreciated?
Denise this is a fascinating comment, and I want to follow up with you by email! I hope that’s ok! 🙂
I too am exactly as described, can’t invited but a few people over who I know won’t judge me. I hear it from my parents, I wasn’t raised this way.. my parents and sister are OCD so they really struggle with me. Call me a hoarder and things, which I am not. I’m very disorganized and get distracted very easy. I live in a very small house with little storage. 4children live in the same bedroom kind of small. I’m praying once we move and things have a place to live I can be more organized and bring order to my home. We are SO appreciative when someone comes in to help! At least I am forever grateful. What that person has done for me they will probably never understand. Maybe in the same way people get under their bills. I can’t really explain why I let things get out of control. I am extremely jealous of all the ladies who are able to keep a nice home. Thank you for writing this. I feel like I’m not alone and normal lol. Ladies you are all invited to my house! Lol. I just keep praying one day I’ll be able to see the light. On a silly note, I’m done having children but my husband still asks me if I’m ever going nest. Lol. Thanks again Carly!
O you are so not alone Heather! I think this is a pretty common struggle for us in our consumer driven culture…
Do you remember when you were a teenager and too big to crawl unto your mother’s lap for comfort when something bad happened so you end up on the couch, head in her lap, sobbing, as she gently whispers “It will be okay.”. You, my dear friend, are my “mother” right now and my head is in your lap, and you are whispering “It will be okay.”. I have ADD, medication does not work, I have two children and a husband plus a dog and I love them SO SO much and as I look around my home I feel shame, embarrassment, self hate…you know the feeling. I just would like to give them the home they deserve. After reading this, which I found when I was supposed to be cleaning, oops, I was crying somewhat, thinking finally someone who understands. With this post, which I will read and reread no doubt at least a thousand times, I will be forever grateful for you and your encouraging words. Thank you so much.
AW, Keeta, I’m so sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. I totally get it! Thank you for sharing this – I am so glad you enjoyed the post and I just want to encourage you to do ONE THING AT A TIME. With ADD you might really benefit from having someone come over and hand you one thing at a time? I know it helps me when I get to that point of complete hopelessness!
First I pick up/throwaway all trash
Next put things where they are stored.
Third, load the dishwasher.
By now counters should be empty, so then clean.
Hi Elaine! That sounds like a solid way to tackle the mess 🙂
When my girls were little and seemed overwhelmed by the mess in their rooms, I made a game of it. I told them to pick up (and put away) everything that is blue, then come tell me when you’re done. Then I gave them another color, and repeated til everything was put away. This helped them focus on just a few things instead of the WHOLE mess!
I LOVE this Jennie! Thank you for sharing!
I did the same with my kids! And would mix it up with saying “anything round”, or ” this time pick up 8 items”, or have them pick the number. Any number was fine with me. Aw, memories.
I LOVE HOW CLEANING WITH YOUR KIDS HAS BECOME AN AWESOME MEMORY!!!! This just makes me heart happy Chrissy.
I definitely know what you mean! Sometimes you just get overwhelmed and wanna run away from it! This is great advice because it’s true, we have to accomplish one thing at a time. We can’t do everything at once so we shouldn’t feel like we have to.
haha – YES I totally wanna run away from it sometimes! It’s much easier to just break the big insurmountable task into small pieces 🙂
Wow!!! I thought it was just me that this happened to!! Thanks so much for the great advice:)
DEFINITELY not just you Karen 🙂
This is how I feel every few weeks! I am so happy I am not alone! Thank you!
Hey Rei! Nope… you are so very not alone!