There are some people who won’t even understand the title of this post. They don’t know what it’s like to wonder where to start when cleaning a messy house.
They’ll think – “what does that even mean?!” (These people always have clean houses, and they can organize their junk drawer with their eyes closed. Or at least they could if they had a junk drawer. But they don’t.) They’ve never experienced a truly messy house.
And there’s some people who will roll their eyes at the drama of it, and they’ll think “Just clean it up. Take the action, do the things.” These people are also likely to leave nasty comments about how this post is sort of stupid. (I won’t publish them.)
But then there’s other people – maybe you’re one of these people – who know what it’s like to stand in the middle of a messy room and feel absolutely paralyzed by the mess. (Me!! I AM ONE OF THESE PEOPLE!) These people will get what this post is about.
We are the people who wonder desperately “where to start cleaning my house?!”
You might even have a secret fear that your house looks like hoarders (- you know, that TV show where food is molding under the couch and the neighbors are complaining?)
And I want to share some good solid advice with these people (you), on how to move forward with cleaning when you feel paralyzed by a mess.
(THIS POST PROBABLY CONTAINS AFFILIATE LINKS. OUR FULL DISCLOSURE POLICY IS REALLY BORING, BUT YOU CAN FIND IT HERE.)
Related: A Simple Solution to Clutter & Disorganization
When you want to clean up “the mess” in your house but don’t know where to start:
You know what I’m talking about when I say “the mess”.
It’s not like you had a clean house 6 hours ago, but a kid’s birthday party has turned your home into a danger zone. Little piles of melty ice-cream everywhere and paper cups behind the couch.
No, that kind of mess isn’t THAT hard to clean up. (If you have THAT kind of mess, you really just need this stuff.) Although, this advice will apply to how to clean a trashed house as well – any mess, little-people-parties included.
I’m talking about THE MESS. The big bad mess. When you have let the clutter and junk take over. There’s piles of laundry in the living room, you can’t see the kitchen counters, can’t remember the last time you cleaned out the fridge. You may or may not find a bag of potatoes – or what used to be potatoes – sitting at the back of the pantry.
If you take a moment to look around your home you might even feel shame and despair. But you also look around and feel that sinking feeling that says you won’t EVER be able to clean it up, because you just do NOT know where to start.
It’s hopeless.
THAT kind of mess.
This is the sort of paralyzing mess that for some reason, wants me to live in it. (I don’t. I work very hard to not allow my home to be messy. I am not a naturally tidy person, which is baffling because I LOVE it when my home is tidy, and I grew up in a tidy home. I don’t know where I developed the messy habits.)
I have learned that it is far easier to KEEP my home clean than to have to try cleaning a messy house once it gets to the paralyzing mess stage.
But, if you are still there, paralyzed in your mess… well, I get it and I have the path to the light at the end of the tunnel for you.
My momma taught me this when I was an obviously overwhelmed-by-the-mess kid, and it’s worked ever since.
Related: How to Conquer Clutter When it’s Emotionally Difficult
Related: Tackling Clothing Clutter: Confessions of a Clothes Hoarder
First, two things to consider (to start cleaning a messy house):
If you are so overwhelmed that you don’t believe it’s possible to clean your house, you might need to ask for help and that’s ok, but then be willing to let the helper help. It’s really frustrating to have someone ask you to help them and then not be allowed to do anything. If you feel like you need to be in control, that’s something you’ll have to address.
The odd time when my home DOES return to this state of overwhelming mess (like- um – if I have a baby and forget how to do “life”) I ask for help when I need it.
Also, consider addressing the clutter and disorganization in your home – FOR GOOD. Sometimes just cleaning up isn’t enough.
Addressing the clutter in my home took me a LONG way towards never feeling paralyzed by the mess anymore. But I didn’t know where to start, and I actually needed someone to TEACH me how to do it.
If your house is constantly buried in clutter and mess, check out The Organized Home Course by Hilary from Pulling Curls. It is created just for people like us, who need to be given bite-sized tips & lessons on organization so we know where stuff is, save time & feel more peace at home. (Because we do ACTUALLY deserve to feel at peace in our homes!)
This is the perfect course for organizing a messy home if:
- You always need hours of notice before having guests because you’re embarrassed about the state of your home.
- You’re always worried you misplaced an important document or won’t be able to find things when you need them.
- You’ve ever wondered why can’t YOU enjoy peaceful time on the couch or enjoying your family instead of always stressing out about the state of your home?
If you need someone to TEACH you how to address clutter and get organized, Hilary is your girl, and you can get 10% off the course here with the code MOP10.
But even if you choose not to ask for help or deal with the clutter, you can clean up the mess.
And here’s how.
You pick up one thing.
(Tune out the rest of the mess for now. You’re just dealing with one thing.)
Pick up one thing – the nearest thing to you – and ask yourself, “Where does this thing go?”
Does it have a home in your home? Does it need to LEAVE your home (donation/garbage)?
Then put that thing where it goes. (If it needs to be donated, make a box for donating and call that it’s home for now.)
And pick up another thing. Find it’s home or give it a home or get it out of your home.
And repeat.
And repeat.
And repeat.
I swear this works. It’s tedious yes. But it’s not overwhelming. It’s one thing at a time… and one thing at a time, you can clean up the mess.
Related: Secrets for Keeping the House Clean With Small Kids
Related: 7 Tangible & Life-Changing Benefits of Decluttering
If you try to do this but get distracted or stuck or struggle with how to motivate yourself to clean a messy house:
Here’s where asking for help can be awesome – because there is an automatic built in job for the helper. (Plus having someone else involved can be really good cleaning motivation!)
Have someone (a patient someone) hand you one thing at a time and ask “where does this go?”
And repeat.
Having someone else there to keep you on track might be the only way to keep yourself going the first time you do this.
But you CAN do this 🙂
Once things are put properly in their homes (or out of your home) tackle the “dirt” – which you will inevitably find under “the mess” – with the most natural, safe, and cost effective household cleaners you can find. (For me that’s been Norwex – this one tub of cleaner has lasted me for THREE YEARS and I have no qualms about getting it on my skin. They even have a system for washing windows and mirrors with ONLY water!)
More From Mommy on Purpose:
Where do you start when you’re drowning in CLUTTER?
Clean kitchen habits you can adopt today








Wow!!
I totally get it!!
I could have written the article that’s how much
I get it!!
Thank you so much for writing this and putting it out there, now I don’t feel so all alone thinking about my mess and getting so overwhelmed I just take a keep putting it off
I’m off to go follow some of your suggestions thanks again
I was not taught how to clean with any regularity. Then an older woman friend told me her secret, as a place to start: pick up the living room(or wherever people come into the house)before you go to bed at night. Pretending that someone will come to see you before you are ready each day. This is not deep cleaning or even dusting, but is the beginning of feeling better about having more order in your life at the beginning of the day!
Best to take one room at a time. Have three boxes marked “throw out”; “Good Will”; “Keep”… and go from there!
I’m so this person. Even if I get it acceptable, I can’t seem to keep it that way. Maybe I’m unwilling to accept the amount of day-to-day effort it takes or maybe I’m lazy Idk whatever it is…it is.
I’ve also done the aforementioned of setting a time limit. That way there is a end and doesn’t feel like a deep dark hole of foreverness…also, blasting my favorite dance music helps build my energy as I go…I end up, most of the time, going past the time limit and liking it.
Growing up, I would stare at my room and just feel totally overwhelmed and lost…so, what my mom did, and I still do, is choose a category and walk around the room fulfilling that category. For instance, she always started with trash. So, I’d walk around looking for and gathering trash. Then, dirty clothes, things that belong in the kitchen, things that go in my closet, etc. Inevitably, I’d have to revisit previous categories whether because I overlooked it or unburied it lol What I do like about doing this is I’m making “one” (more likely a few) trip to various parts of the house.
Also, a philosophy I’m working on internalizing: you don’t have to clean up what’s not there. Something my minimalist sister-in-law said that struck me.
Anyways, thanks for the post and hopefully these tips I mentioned will help someone too.
I’m so happy your mother was patient and took the time to help you understand what needed to be done. My dad just scoffed at me until it got so bad he’d threaten to throw me everything in a trash bag. I was never taught how to clean so now I get so overwhelmed. Hopefully I can take this blog and your suggestion and make my house clean again.
I’m so glad it’s not just me! The shame of a messy house is isolating and you feel like no one will understand and anyone who sees your messy secret will be harshly judgmental of you as a woman , a wife, a mother . That fear of judgement and condemnation makes it easier to shut people out which can lead to worse things, like depression and anxiety. Thanks for this article- you now have a devoted follower in me!
Emily C
Thank you for not making me feel like a loser… I’m too embarrassed to have people over – except for the one couple who is much worse at this than I am. I’m going to get the book….
Sooo… I pick up that one thing and I am paralyzed. Now what?
put it where it goes! I know it’s daunting, but that’s what you do!
Hello, I think your site might be having browser compatibility issues.
When I look at your blog site in Opera, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping.
I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, wonderful blog!
My friends used to think I was nuts when I would tell them I’m so overwhelmed I’m paralized. In about 8 months we are moving. Totally downsizing from an eleven room house to a two bedroom carriage house. (Youngest is going to college). One of the reasons for downsizing is due to hating all the junk. Wish me luck!
Thank you for writing this. Especially the hoarders scenario- that is *exactly* how I feel about my house.
I love your post and admit I am the same, God help me. At 59 years of age and in a bad place health wise I find it difficult to keep my home clean and tidy. Over the years I have stopped inviting people in because I am ashamed of the way I live,but now I shall attempt to make things right so wish me luck. Oh, and a huge thank you for pointing me in the right direction.
English rose.
God bless you!!!! Seriously – you had me almost in tears after the first paragraph! – FINALLY someone gets it and understands my house/life!!!! Thank you so very very much for writing this article. Know that even thought it was written over a year ago – it’s still very very valid!!! Thank you again – from all of us who STILL aren’t sure where our junk drawer is – (we probably have 6 or more throughout the entire house) 😉
Thank you for writing this article. I too grew up in a tidy house only to be a messy adult. I have bipolar disorder and ADHD, which doesn’t help matters. I go from having a horribly messy, unclean, embarrassing house when I am depressed to having an insanely clean, tidy and Pinterest worthy house when I am manic. I always thought that it was just a side effect of my illness and I was the only one that got crippled by the messy state of my home. It’s nice to know that I am not the only person that gets overwhelmed by the mess!
Pick up just one thing.
Thank you. I can do that.
THANK YOU THANK YOU!
For saying it in print. I need to be taught how not to be messy. I was feeling so alone! Thank you!
Hi, I realise this is an old post but found it looking for encouragement and I got it. Thanks!
Sometimes remembering you are not alone is a huge part of the battle.
Just to add, for those of you who struggled this way as kids, maybe worth looking into adult ADHD and seeing how you compare now. Scatty, distractible adult women, who CAN concentrate and achieve highly on topics that interest them, but especially fall apart trying to keep house after having children – are often missed cases in childhood.
I have a long wait for treatment here, but knowing helps too.
Today I’m just totally paralysed with where to start, yet again, when already exhausted from the basics and nothing left to go again for bigger changes.
But thanks for the “pep talk”.
I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one. Thank you!
I’m feeling kind of stuck after reading this… on one hand: yes, I have tried the “pick up one thing” method, and it mostly works. On the other hand, I’ve been stuck multiple times having picked up that one thing and answered the question, “Where does this thing live?” with a very clear, “It doesn’t have a home.” Either something else has taken its home or it never had a home… regardless, I’m struggling to get past the paralysis that sets in when it seems like nothing has a good home. I run into this when I ask for help too, because the person helping can’t answer the question for me, and bless her heart, she doesn’t believe me when I say it doesn’t have a home. I’m leaning towards a hard and fast purge of my home, but even that is border-line paralysis-inducing. Any advice, greatly appreciated. I’m really glad I’m not the only person in the world who can walk through my messy house and have no idea what I should be doing, so thank you for your article no matter what.
Nikki,
I wish I had better insight for you – but this is all I have! A hard fast purge sounds like it may be the right thing at this point. You can replace MOST things if you really end up needing it later. 🙂
I’m literally in tears right now after reading this. I can completely relate to this paralyzing feeling in my messy house. Thank you for writing this. It gave me the motivation to start with one item and focus on smaller tasks to take away the overwhelming stress.
Tiffany,
Oh I am so glad you found it helpful. One thing at a time – we CAN do this!!
So it’s not just me that gets “paralyzed.”
I’ve thought that it was my mental illness that made me not to clean up inside my house when it’s beyond dirty. I suddenly don’t feel so odd and alone with my feelings any more.
Johan,
I am so sorry to hear you are struggling. I think we ALL feel that way sometimes – you are NOT odd for it!!!
Great advice.It could even help someone like me who can’t tell honestly whether the mess is a cause or a symptom of my clinical depression diagnosis.
BJ – I am glad you found my post helpful. I wish you the best – depression is hard!!!